Home > Uncategorized > Black Women Learning to “Submit”: What Does that REALLY Mean? (Video)

Black Women Learning to “Submit”: What Does that REALLY Mean? (Video)


by Dr. Boyce Watkins, Your Black World

Given the importance of the critical theme of black relationships (which we’re hitting from various angles this week on YBW), I had to get another perspective on some of the things that folks are quoting from the bible as it pertains to how black relationships need to be structured.  What does it mean for a black man to “lead” in his relationship?  What does it mean for a woman to “submit?”  One thing that many of us can agree on is the fact that black relationships have been falling apart for a very long time.  The majority of our homes are being run by a single parent, and far too many children are growing up without their fathers in shouting distance.  What some don’t acknowledge is that there is a direct correlation between the break down of the black family and the growth of the prison industrial complex.  Locking up men for decades for the sale of drugs that were brought into our communities has devastated many of us, and urban decay in the 1980s led to job losses with few viable alternatives to illegal activity.  A recent study in The Economist showed that a one percentage point increase in the incarceration rate leads to a 2.4 percent decline in the percentage of black women who eventually get married.

With that said, there is also the reality that we must face in that men are growing up without knowing the responsibilities of fatherhood, and there are women growing up who have no clue on how to deal with a man in a healthy relationship.  This legitimate lack of trust creates ill-will in our families that ultimately hurts our children.  Mo’Nique on BET took the debate to another level on her talk show by effectively arguing that this whole breakdown occurs because black women don’t know how to “submit.”  She seemed to believe that it’s the black woman’s desire to "carry around the penis,” that leaves many of them single and lonely.

We got the young woman’s take on Your Black World from Diamond Breland, but it’s also important to get the take from a woman with another point of view.  That’s why I spoke with Deborrah Cooper from SurvivingDating.com, and we discussed the issue in the video below.  For those who haven’t seen the episode in which Mo’Nique goes on her tirade about women learning to submit, that video is below as well.

To join the Your Black World Coalition, please visit YourBlackWorld.com.


The clip from the Mo’Nique Show is below:


Related: College student Diamond Breland from Your Black World gives her take on submission and women.


Categories: Uncategorized
  1. Mrs Barnes
    April 22, 2011 at 1:50 am

    If a man is willing to work consistently to provide for his family
    and the household bills are being paid, along with the rearing or caring for the children.
    If he has a plan for their financial future, retirement, educating the children, a home and overall plan for a lifestyle for his family he is indeed a leader. the woman should help as much as she can, work, nurture the children,look for ways to help him save.
    Do everything you can to help him reach the vision. However if you are the one with the vision and the plan and he likes the vision and the plan and has no plan or vision of his own, I see no reason why the man can’t follow her plan and help as much as he can, what different does it really make if at the end of the day the family is well provided for and the couple both husband and wife benefited from the plan? If their is no plan they both plan to fail, and if one of them is against the others plan simply because it’s not His or Her plan and doesn’t want to see the other succeed, they plan to sabotage. That house is divided and will fall.
    Wonder who will want take credit for “Leading the family into a ditch”!

  2. GS350JPN
    April 22, 2011 at 2:58 am

    I think people need to start social skills building workshops in the hoods. These workshops should focus on individual goals pertaining to everything. These workshops address person problems from childhood and how to eliminate it’s negative effects, focus on personal fundamental thoughts self worth and confidence, breakdown barriers that there is only one perfect person for a person, address sex and its emotional, visual, physical stimulations. In other words, becoming sexual stimulated (aroused) is normal and is an indicator that your nervous system is working properly. Just because you are wet or hard does not mean you need to get with that person. The human body just works like that. just take a second to to take a deep breathe and let that feeling run it’s course, then get back to business. Teach single women how to work together to raise kids. For example, if your kid does not do homework, send him to a parents home who he respects and have that child do it there. Most children have more respect for other parents than they do their own. Tag teaming is a great way to improve quality and knowledge of information and self respect. Focus on what submitting really means. Do the things you know are correct to enhance mobility in knowledge, self, sciences, finances and family. Men and women must submit to something. Instead of falling in love randomly because of what you think you know, fall in love with the success of a person being a person. I can go on forever.

  3. Bunny
    April 22, 2011 at 3:52 pm

    I am feelin the words of Mrs. Barnes! She is talking my language and speaking to my experience without knowing me! i am not sure where this “the man should have the ideas and vision” comes from (as if women can’t or don’t) and if he doesn’t the woman should just keep following until he does. Comfort and complancency are like curse words to me. i hear people say “just go along to get along”, don’t ask questions, just follow the leader” – what? Every couple is not the same. Both people will bring strengths, ideas, opinions, etc. to the table. It is NOT 50-50 but 100-100. I need to know who I am and what I want as well as be able to articulate that before I enter into the relationship. We do this back and forth thing in society. We push our DAUGHTERS and sons to go to college and then tell the women they should stay home with the children, expect her to be “happy” with that decision when she did not make it herself. it was her husband, parents or society’s decision, not hers. that’s a mixed message. Did she get a say so? It has already been said, what’s wrong with the man following the woman’s plan, why does it matter who thought of it? If we are secure in ourselves, it really won’t matter. The whole family wins!

  4. Shaka
    April 22, 2011 at 9:08 pm

    I read the three comments listed above and each one has merit, points worthy of further discussion. I would like to offer a males’ point of view. First of all we have the wrong people as our heroes: movie stars’, musicians and sports figures. We don’t have an historical understanding of the significant contributions our people have made to the human race, a people who have fragments of others’ culture and is devoid of their own. The spectrum of our skin color is Albino to midnight black so varied is our understanding, appreciation, respect and knowledge of self. Our education system is merely an indoctrination system designed for force assimilation. A farmer found an eagles’ egg and placed it in the hen house to be hatched. The little eagle hatched and for many years he acted like a chicken. One day he looked into the pond and saw his reflection and he remembered seeing eagles flying above only then did he realize what he was and eagle, meant to soar. This was the eagles’ wakeup call; we need to look into the mirror. W.E.B. Dubois spoke of the talented tenth, those that would rise and reach back and assist another up. Too often when one of us rises we develop the same attitude as those other folks. We don’t do enough “Information Gathering” before we succumb to our emotional/sexual desires. We don’t take the time to examine our past experiences and ask the question: is what I want to repeat. The internet is full of information that could make up for what we didn’t get at home or in school. And last, in a relationship there must be respect and each partner must KNOW the other has their welfare at stake. Saying that, whatever partner is better at, whatever task should be the one to manage that task. In relationships we continue to teach, coach and counsel in a loving and uplifting way, (involvement). We are much better than the statists show. More to follow.

  5. Avian Rain
    April 22, 2011 at 11:36 pm

    As a preacher once told his congregation. God made Eve from Adam’s side to be BY HIS SIDE. Not from his ankle to be at his feet; Not from his spine to be at his back. But from his side, to stand by his side as an equal. When Jesus came the other stupid rules went out the door. If you dominate someone in order to feel you are in control, then you by definition have already lost control and with that respect.

  6. James Hall
    April 26, 2011 at 8:04 am

    In addition to the well known Ten Commandments”, which include a prohibition against adultery, there are 600+ other commandments from God stated in the Bible! Of course many are stated in the Old Testament.
    Now reading a bit further on in Ephesians 5 , one will note that men are also commanded to submit to their wives, Ephesians 5:21; see also 1st Peter 3:1-7. Don’t be shocked, most people just know of the first part requiring wifes to submit to their husbands. Clearly, the Scriptures require and command both husbands and wives to submit one to the other and describes in details how a true husband and wife sholuld conduct themselves!
    So if you are going to be Bible based in your pronouncements, first personally make certain that you know and understand what the Scriptures are saying. So far, all parties in this debate are missing the point, most of all Mo’nique and her two guests!!!!

  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: