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Oprah Warns Rihanna Publicly
Oprah Winfrey (left) has publicly warned Rihanna to stay away from Chris Brown, saying he will assault her again. HOLLYWOOD – OPRAH Winfrey has publicly warned Rihanna to stay away from Chris Brown, saying he will assault her again.
"Both Chris Brown and Rihanna, if I were your friend, I would call you up and I would say, ‘Give it some time, get yourself some counselling, take care of yourself, heal yourself first,’" Oprah said.
"Love doesn’t hurt. I’ve been saying this to women for years – love doesn’t hurt. And if a man hits you once, he will hit you again. He will hit you again. I don’t care what his plea is, he will hit you again.’
Chrianna Rumored to Have Gotten Married?!
Did Chris Brown and Rihanna get married while they were in Miami over the weekend?
Star magazine is reporting that the couple, who are currently weathering a firestorm of controversy after supposedly reconciling post-alleged beating incident, were secretly married while staying at Diddy’s Star Island house in Miami.
Brown and Rihanna reportedly had a tearful meeting in which Brown is said to have apologized for physically attacking her, and proposed to her.
And the 20-year-old singer reportedly forgave him.
Black News: Rihanna Plans to Testify for Chris Brown
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Rihanna is ready to testify on Chris Brown’s behalf, will admit to her part in the incident.
According to MediaTakeOut.com – Rihanna has agreed to "speak to the [prosecutor's] on Chris’ behalf." The snitch continued, “Rihanna doesn’t want this to go any further, she will be speaking to [prosecutors] and – if need be – admit to her part in the [incident].”
Dr Boyce: Chris Brown and Rihanna Back Together? What?
Forgive me for diving into the crazy world of pop culture, but the fact that Chris Brown and Rihanna are a couple again is something on which I had to comment. I am not speaking on the issue because I love Chris Brown or Rihanna’s music (they are ok). I am commenting because young people need to have a serious conversation about relationships and domestic violence.
Here’s the deal: I don’t know exactly what Chris Brown did and did not do. From the picture I saw and police reports, it appears that he may have done some serious damage to Rihanna’s face. Again, I am not convicting Chris Brown and I am not pretending to know if he is a bad human being. In fact, Chris Brown could very easily be a good man who did a very bad thing. But if he did do this damage to Rihanna, then he should pay a price for his actions.
But it appears that Chris won’t be paying a price, since Rihanna does not seem to be interested in pressing charges. Rihanna’s actions are nothing new: Every day, across America, women are beaten to a pulp by their boyfriends, and then choose to excuse their inexcusable behavior. The prosecutor prepares a solid case that will send the guy packing for years, and the case falls through because the woman chooses not to press charges. So, as extraordinary as Rihanna might be as a performer, her behavior is actually quite ordinary.
Chris Brown, if he was the cause of the facial damage shown on pictures released to the media, seriously needs counseling. He needs to learn that growing up watching your father beat your mother (as Chris admitted on the Tyra Banks show) may establish a destructive social norm, thus making you believe that violence is appropriate in male/female relationships. He also needs to learn about the serious consequences for brothers who choose to beat up on their partners. Even if Rihanna is crazy, provocative or evil, you have no business laying your hands on a woman. Not only is violence wrong, but it will land you in a criminal justice system that destroys the lives of young black men every day. I understand young people making mistakes (I’ve made far too many to count), but you must learn from those mistakes, and we are not doing young people any favors by pretending that this didn’t happen.
Rihanna needs her own counselor. She needs one that will give her and other young women the self-esteem to realize that there are few genuine excuses for a man to put his hands on you. She needs to have someone who truly understands where all this is going, to make her realize that no matter how cute he is, how popular, how rich, or how charming, a man like this can eventually kill you. You don’t know domestic violence until you’ve seen DEATH. It starts innocently enough, and eventually escalates to the point that someone is in the morgue. Any self-respecting adult should, in my humble opinion, refuse to sit idly to the side and allow your teenager to ponder reasons that Chris Brown should have hit Rihanna. No, he should not have done this, and I encourage Chris to make sure he sends the same message.
Old people can be obnoxious. We pee on the parades of young love by writing articles like the one I am writing right now. I hate doing this, but I have my reasons. My friend, a professor in Florida, died at the hands of her husband, who then killed himself and left her two young children without parents. This happens every day, and most of these cases start out like the situation between Chris and Rihanna. In fact, your daughter, friend, sister or cousin may have that lovable boyfriend who only shows peeks and hints of violent behavior, but just enough that your gut is telling you something isn’t quite right. Listen to your instincts, for they’re trying to tell you something. Love should not end with anybody getting punched. Domestic violence is not a silent killer…..it usually warns you all along the way. Whether you choose to listen is up to you.
Dr. Boyce Watkins is a Finance Professor at Syracuse University and author of “What if George Bush were a Black Man?” For more information, please visit www.BoyceWatkins.com.
Black Celebs: No Charges Filed Yet on Chris Brown
Misdemeanor or felony?
As police wind down their investigation of Chris Brown in the alleged beating of Rihanna earlier this month, ultimately the injuries suffered by the victim will determine whether the singer faces a charge carrying a likely penalty of probation — or time behind bars.
So far, no charges of any sort have been filed against Brown, 19, who was arrested Feb. 8 in Los Angeles after allegedly assaulting the R&B star. He was booked by police for making criminal threats — a felony — but the case has not yet been presented to the District Attorney, who will ultimately determine which charges, if any, will be prosecuted.
What Does Your Man’s Body Look Like?
Ladies how important is it for your man or boo to be in shape, body right?
I’m wondering because I’m always obsessing about my body, more importantly my lack of muscle tone. Lol, seriously the people that know me, know me as the “Food Nazi”. Don’t even think about eating greasy fatty foods around me, I’ll go bizerick.
Oddly enough lately the “chubbsters” have been hollering. I think its because we’re making it too easy for them to feel sexy, “Oh Big Daddy”, well I’m just not into it.
So I’m pretty open about my body, its beauty and flaws. I dated this guy a while back, and he had a nice athletic build. I actually loved his body.
Anyway he knew that I’m all about fitness and eating right, even though sometimes I go weeks without squatting shit and eating emotionally. I’m Human! I just use my Joe’s jeans to keep me in check, when those bad boys don’t fit; it’s time to quit! {Like right now!}
So one day my little porn star surprised me with a gift. He bought me a P90X! Have your heard of it? It’s a set of intense workout DVDs; there are 13 DVD’s in the set that you have to commit to for 90 days! It’s supposed to really “transform” your body. I didn’t know what to make of this! Was this motherfucker calling me Fat?? I mean P90X ain’t no cheap shit, its expensive. So that really got me thinking, “He thinks I really have a problem?”OMG!! And I’m naked all time and he gives me P90X! Confused and convinced that we would have sex no more, I turned to my girls, who all assured that he probably got it for me because he knows how crazy I am are about my body! Of course we were still together after that, he thought I would have loved the gift. But I didn’t.
P90X is no joke, you are literally co-signing for this man, Tony Horton, to come up into your house and Kick Your Ass! No thanks! Please note that P90x is still collecting dust on top of my fridge, no less! Lol
This story has sparked my mission {our mission join me} of no longer rebounding. I’ll be 30 and I’m going to be super tight, with a fluffy round bottom of course!
Is this just some women shit? Ladies are you satisfied with the way your man looks, when he strips for you? Or is he leaving his tee shirt on to cover his double D’s or bird chest? Or is he soo hippy and doesn’t want you to see his girlie bottom so he sometimes leaves his boxers on, like we’re in high school sneaking a phuck! Lol.
As women I think we are so much more forgiving and tend to think his belly is cute, and adds character. Meanwhile, he isn’t smiling at those dimples on your ass, or that little muffin top you’ve been rocking.
So I’m saying today that I don’t like “Chubby”, I’m putting in the work and so should he! Women should be nice and soft to touch and men need to be hard and strong! Get it!
*** P.S. I’ve decided to get my Pilates Certification! So stay tuned to my fit tricks!
Posted by Nicole Spence at 9:23 AM 6 comments
Domestic Violence and Family Impact
By Hugh V. Collins and Syreeta L. McNeal, CPA, JD
I know everyone is talking about the alleged domestic assault and battery that occurred between Chris Brown and Rihanna during the weekend of February 7 – 8, 2009. Recently, MTV, US Weekly and People magazine did specials or cover stories regarding the incident. Gossip organizations like Mediatakeout.com and TMZ.com all had their spin on what transpired. Many people are expressing outrage and taking sides. Some people have stated that Rihanna must have done something and deserved to get beat by Chris Brown while others believe that Chris Brown had no right whatsoever to lay a hand on Rihanna regardless of the argument between them. Well, domestic abuse is more common and more people in the U.S. and in the world have witnessed some form of domestic abuse in their lives or among their families. According to the U.S. Department of Justice’s Bureau of Justice Statistics report in 2005, one in 320 households were affected by intimate partner violence. Also, they report that female victims are more likely to be victimized by intimates than male victims.
What? Chris Brown Trying to Win Back Rihanna
According to the NY Daily News:
Chris called Rihanna to wish her a happy birthday,” an insider tells us. “He’s absolutely trying to get back into her good graces. He knows he’s very much in the doghouse right now, and is doing everything he can to show her how sorry he is.”
But Brown seems to think a few well-placed birthday gifts can salve his ex’s wounds. He has already sent the “Good Girl Gone Bad” singer a diamond bracelet and necklace, an insider tells us, as well as an iPod Touch. Plus, Brown’s mom, Joyce, who is said to adore Rihanna, sent over a bouquet of flowers.”
Yeah, we’re pretty sure Rihanna already own an iPod for Goddsakes, and while the jewelry and flowers were nice, we’re just not sure this erases everything Chris. Nice try, though.
Chris Brown on Saturday Night Live?
Saturday Night Live cast member Kenan Thompson got into some trouble by stating that his show would be open to having Chris Brown as their special guest.
According to Kenan, "It’s not up to me, but I’m sure we would if he had another hit single. We don’t care about scandal. We just care about what brings us ratings!"
Rihanna’s Family Speaks on Brown
Rihanna‘s family is opening up about the relationship between Rihanna and Chris Brown after an alleged altercation before the Grammy Awards that left Rihanna injured and Brown arrested.
One family member told People.com that Brown "flew so far under everyone’s radar that we just didn’t think he was that [abusive] type." The relative added that the news comes as a surprise because "he was always looking after her needs making sure she was happy."
The relative agreed with Rihanna’s dad, Ronald Fenty, who thinks his superstar daughter should "move on" from the relationship. "I don’t want her to go back to him," the family member said. "I don’t think anyone does."
Earlier this week, Kimora Lee Simmons, who was showing her line Baby Phat during New York Fashion Week, spoke about the incident with The Associated Press, saying she saw the pair earlier in the night before news broke.
Black Love: Is He ready to Commit? How you can Tell
Every woman knows how hard it is when she puts in serious time with a guy who refuses to commit… until he moves on to his next girlfriend, and then suddenly, he’s springing for a rock. Single women assume that a guy will pop the question once he finds someone he’s compatible with, i.e., The One. But that’s not enough to push him over the edge, according to clinical psychologist Alon Gratch, PhD, author of "If Men Could Talk." What, then, does it take?
"Being ready," says Gratch. "In my 25 years of experience working with men as a relationship therapist, it’s 49 percent the right woman, 51 percent his readiness to commit." That means that compatibility is hugely important. But if he’s not in a marriage mind-set yet, he’s not going to commit to anyone… not even Gisele.
In fact, 81 percent of the married men surveyed by the National Marriage Project said one reason they decided to wed was because it was the right time to settle down.
"Of course, even if a guy is ready to walk down the aisle, he still needs to find the right person," says Gratch. "But he is more likely to meet her once he’s in that marrying state of mind." To help us figure it all out, we asked Gratch to explain. Here, he divulges the five factors that make a man want to take the plunge.
YBW Family Member Kevin Powell: How do we end violence against women?
Writer’s note:
Given all the hype and controversy around Chris Brown’s alleged beating of Rihanna, I feel compelled to post this essay I originally wrote in late 2007, so that some of us can have an honest jump off point to discuss male violence against females, to discuss the need for ownership of past pains and traumas, to discuss the critical importance of therapy and healing. Let us pray for Rihanna, first and foremost, because no one deserves to be beaten, or beaten up. No one. And let us also pray that Chris Brown gets the help he needs by way of long-term counseling and alternative definitions of manhood rooted in nonviolence, real love, and, alas, real peace. And let us not forget that Rihanna and Chris Brown happen to be major pop stars, hence all the media coverage, blogs, etc. Violence against women and girls happen every single day on this planet without any notice from most of us. Until we begin to address that hard fact, until we all, males and females alike, make a commitment to ending the conditions that create that destructive behavior in the first place, it will not end any time soon. There will be more Rihannas and more Chris Browns.
In my recent travels and political and community work and speeches around the country, it became so very obvious that many American males are unaware of the monumental problems of domestic violence and sexual assault, against women and girls, in our nation. This seems as good a time as any to address this urgent and overlooked issue. Why is it that so few of us actually think about violence against women and girls, or think that it’s our problem? Why do we go on believing it’s all good, even as our sisters, our mothers, and our daughters suffer and a growing number of us participate in the brutality of berating, beating, or killing our female counterparts?
Your Black Readers Comment on Chris Brown Situation
Thousands of readers have been responding strongly to the article written by Dr. Boyce Watkins about the Chris and Rihanna situation. The comments range from enlightening to flat out stupid. Read the comments below and make one of your own!
Anonymous said… -
now if a man came to us and told us they had herpes w vwould try to fight them to but just because chris brown is a celeb everybody is making a big deal about it.Yes,if my man came tome and said he had herpes probably would have done the same thing.
- February 15, 2009 12:00 PM
- La’Trina Jones said…
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any nigga be hittin me get merked real qwick!!!
- February 15, 2009 12:29 PM
- Anonymous said…
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I feel that Rihanna was very wrong for giving her lover Chris Brown STD .People also need understand that is herpes Chris brown will have to live with that for the rest of his life. Rihanna should be a shame of her self.And yes i feel chris brown should have handle this matter in another way but u have to really think about how chris was feeling at that time. Now Chris have to live his life everyday Knowing he have herpes.I feel that Rihanna should be charge knowing the fact she had herpes. a was willing to give her nasty herper to a yong gentel man chris brown.I work as a nurse and my heart goes out to Mr Brown.All Chris Brown can do is give it to god and let god work it out for him.
- February 15, 2009 2:02 PM
- Anonymous said…
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I feel no man have rights to hit a woman . But Rihanna is very wrong and she should be charge too.Knowing the fact she been had that mess.That is herpesso that mean Chris Brown will have that mess for the rest of his life, who to say what else Rihanna might be hiding i think Chris need to check make sure he dos’nt have anything else .I feel there should be a law for people that walk around here in this world and knowing that they have herpes our what ever the case my be. if they can have the ball to give you there nasty STD they should be put away for the rest of there life.Because all they are going to do is go somewhere else and give it to somebody else.There is alot of sick people in this world.All you can do is just give it to god he can do all things.
- February 15, 2009 2:38 PM
- Anonymous said…
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1. You’ll don’t know if that’s the reason why they had the altercation.
2. Rhianna had an outbreak some weeks ago and during that time Chris was all over her. Go look for the pics. So, I don’t believe that there is any way that he didn’t know that she had herpes.
3. Even if he eventually found out she had herpes and transmitted it to him, who is to say that she always knew she had it. Herpes is a disease that if you don’t have an outbreak and haven’t gotten tested you wouldn’t know you have it. There are lots of people walking around with herpes passing it to others and don’t even know. You can use a condom and still possibly pass it to your lover.
Know the facts about the disease before you start making comments.
4. Who is to say Chris isn’t the one to give her herpes. Everyone doesn’t have the outbreaks so their is no way to know who gave it to whom.
That being said he still had no right hitting her like she is his damn child.
He better get it together quick before Jay or Tay Tay roll up on his behind and wear him out. - February 15, 2009 4:28 PM
- Strong Black Woman said…
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Dayum yall some week-assed niggas in here! What "credible" source do you have stating that Rhianna gave Chris herpes. SHAME ON YOU DR. BOYCE! Glad to see sum of us thinks its okay hittin a woman.
- February 15, 2009 4:29 PM
- Anonymous said…
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Strong black woman, notice that he said "allegedly" gave him herpes. He didn’t say he knew it. He is not saying that he knows for sure. Plus, the story is being reported in all kinds of news outlets, so I believe it.
- February 15, 2009 4:38 PM
- Anonymous said…
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so you the type of nigga who listen to gossip huh? punk-ass trick!
- February 15, 2009 5:19 PM
- Anonymous said…
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The herpes thing was on The Tom Joyner Morning Show….punk ass trick.
- February 15, 2009 5:25 PM
- Crabb Mendoza said…
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who da fuc is tom joynner??? just another whiny azz neegro! cause that slob say so make it tru??? what "proof" do he got??
- February 15, 2009 5:28 PM
- Anonymous said…
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Leave it to Boyce to get some stupid shit going. Im telling you the brother works for Willie Lynch!
- February 15, 2009 8:10 PM
- Anonymous said…
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This article is right on point Dr. Boyce. It’s sad that there are black men on this listserv who think that women should be hit. You guys are pretty fucked up.
Thank you for speaking up for black women everywhere, well the ones that are not crazy. - February 15, 2009 8:16 PM
- Willie Horton said…
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"Thank you for speaking up for black women everywhere, well the ones that are not crazy."
ROTFLMBAO!!! - February 15, 2009 9:33 PM
- Anonymous said…
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Wise words professor. Thank you Dr. Boyce
- February 15, 2009 10:55 PM
- Anonymous said…
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Totally agree with you!
OMG! Even celebrity can get STDs.
No wonder why more and more people join the STD dating site STDslove.com - February 16, 2009 1:51 AM
- paris bars said…
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Chris Brown is so cute !
- February 16, 2009 5:53 AM
- Anonymous said…
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I just wanna say who cares if you think it’s scary people are on Chris Browns side. That’s what fans do lol. I’m almost thirty and have never bought either of their cd’s. We already have Beyonce and Nelly Furtado any thing in between is not needed. Rihanna will have tO stand up for herself before she can stand up for other women!! I hope she takes everyones advice and leaves him for good…for HIS SAKE!!!p.s Rihanna is loved…but not All around the world…sorry.
- February 16, 2009 11:21 AM
- Anonymous said…
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yeah it was wrong for chris brown to hit rihanna but if its true that rihanna gave chris herpes, thats wrong. no man should put his hands on a woman period. i’ve been in a abusive relationship that i got out of after 11 monthes. I like chris brown and rihanna but they need to work things out and whatever started the argument needs to stop and chris should of walked away or something then hitting rihanna. chris brown is cute and doesnt deserve to have a STD from anyone he’s too young for that.I say that chris brown needs help with his anger so things can work out between him and rihanna. i think that chris and rihanna is a great couple but not if chris continues to beat on rihanna for whatever it is. i also think that men who beat on women are pussys and do it cuz they are insecure with themselves and cant control nobody else but women. I like you chris brown but you need to quit your abuse on rihanna and try to work things out with rihanna then hitting on her and taking your anger out on her, try to talk things over about your feelings with rihanna it might work out between you two. i hope things work out between you and rihanna.
- February 16, 2009 11:30 AM
Your Black Celebs Give their Two Cents on Chrianna
Among those who offered their comments on the subject were Hollywood acquaintances of the pair, including actress Gabrielle Union, who was reluctant to say if she thought Chris Brown was guilty.
"Unfortunately, no one knows all the facts yet… " she said to Warner Brothers’ TV extra website. The "Cadillac Records" star went on to add: "What I think is great about this unfortunate situation is it can get us talking about violence… violence is never the answer. It’s good to get that dialogue started. I wish this wasn’t the catalyst for that… it’s never good to use violence as a means to an end."
RELATED ARTICLES
- Chris Brown "sorry and saddened" over incident
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- Rihanna postpones concert, police continues probe
- Rihanna claims she was choked unconscious
- Rihanna left with serious injuries after assault
This opinion seemed to be nearly unanimous, Spice Girls star Mel B spoke out for her friend on Monday, saying "For this to happen to a superstar like her is eye-opening. If the rumours are true then Chris should be punished. No woman deserves to be treated like that – and I hope she knows there’s tons of support for her." According to Mel B the pair became friends in 2008 when they were working in neighbouring studios.
Musical act Aliaune Thiam, better known by his stage name Akon, offered his support for the ‘Umbrella’ star, saying "Keep doing what you’re doing baby. Keep things positive!" The pair collaborated on the song "Emergency Room."
Black Report: Chris Brown “Saddened” Over Incident
A week after allegedly beating and bruising his pop-star girlfriend Rihanna, Chris Brown finally released an apologetic statement Sunday via a representative that also discounted media reports claiming he’d commented about the incident on Facebook.
Chris Brown leaves his hotel on January 31, 2009 in Dublin, Ireland. A week after reportedly beating and bruising his pop star girlfriend, Rihanna, Chris Brown finally released a statement via his spokesperson.
"Words cannot begin to express how sorry and saddened I am over what transpired. I am seeking the counseling of my pastor, my mother and other loved ones and I am committed, with God’s help, to emerging a better person," Brown said in the statement released Sunday evening.
"Much of what has been speculated or reported on blogs and/or reported in the media is wrong," the statement said. "While I would like to be able to talk about this more, until the legal issues are resolved, this is all I can say except that I have not written any messages or made any posts to Facebook, on blogs or any place else. Those posts or writings under my name are frauds."
While Rihanna has yet to speak out about the alleged fight, her father, Ronald Fenty, said that Brown hit her in an interview with People magazine Saturday. Describing Rihanna’s current condition after seeing her Thursday, Fenty said, "There is some bruising. She will be all right. I think so." "At some point, she will speak out. I hope she will stand up for women all over the world," he said.
Chris Brown Finally Addresses the Public
For over a week it seems that everyone but Chris Brown and Rihanna had something to say about their domestic violence incident, but Chris has finally broken his silence. Chris released a statement earlier today, check out what he had to say below.
“Words cannot begin to express how sorry and saddened I am over what transpired. I am seeking the counseling of my pastor, my mother and other loved ones and I am committed, with God’s help, to emerging a better person. Much of what has been speculated or reported on blogs and/or reported in the media is wrong. While I would like to be able to talk about this more, until the legal issues are resolved, this is all I can say except that I have not written any messages or made any posts to Facebook, on blogs or any place else. Those posts or writing under my name are frauds.”
I am definitely glad to see that he is seeking help, and I kind of feel a little sorry for him.
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Posted By N. Taylor to Your Black Gossip at 2/15/2009 08:59:00 PM
Crazy, Stupid or Brilliant? Readers Defending Chris Brown
R&B superstar couple Rihanna and Chris Brown have recently found themselves even more in the spotlight due to their private-turned-public "disturbia" situation. After reports surfaced that Brown allegedly injured the singer to the point where she had to be treated at a "major medical facility" after a quarrel, readers took to the blogs to surprisingly defend the male sex symbol. Since the emergence of the story, we’ve received over 150 comments regarding the situation.
WHITNEY wrote: I’M STILL GOING TO SUPPORT CHRIS BROWN UNTIL THE END. I DONT CARE IF HE DID IT OR NOT. OBVIOUSLY SHE PROVOKED HIM AND EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES SO, IM NOT GOING TO DOWN TALK HIM NOR TRY TO BRING HIM DOWN LIKE THE WHITE MEDIA IS GOING TO. HE’S STILL A KID. KIDS MAKE DUMB CHOICES EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE. GIVE THE KID A BREAK IT’S HIS FIRST TIME IN HIS 4 YEAR CAREER.
shukura wrote: By the way, from what I understand Chris Brown is not from the ghetto and and domestic violence happens everywhere. For anyone to suggest that only ghetto people hit their mates is ludicrous. Gosh, why do people always have to resort to racism when something happens in the news. It gets old and very tired.
Your Black News: Usher’s Wife Recovering After Heart Attack
The wife of R&B singer Usher continues to recover in a Sao Paulo hospital after suffering a cardiac arrest shortly before undergoing plastic surgery, the spokeswoman of the doctor who was to perform the procedure said Thursday.
Ellen Dastry, spokeswoman for plastic surgeon Silvio Sterman, says Tameka Raymond checked into the Sao Rafael Hospital last Friday for a "simple liposuction." Dastry said that Raymond suffered a cardiac arrest while being anesthetized for the procedure "but was revived in less than a minute by heart massage." She was then placed in an induced coma before being taken to the intensive-care unit, a procedure Dastry said was "absolutely normal" and performed in order to "avoid unnecessary complications."
Lady Drama: More Chris Brown and Rihanna Stuff
New details are emerging about Chris and Rihanna’s domestic dispute that happened during Grammy Night! According to what Rihanna has said in a police report Chris has been abusive before! Read below for the juice via hollyscoop:
According to Police reports, Rihanna claims that Chris has hit her in the past and she referred to it as an ongoing and escalating abusive relationship.
When Rihanna first spoke to LAPD she refused to tell them what started the argument that night. We’ve now learned that it was the result of another woman sending Chris a text message about meeting up later on in the night.
During the argument, according to the police report, she ordered him to drive her home and “faked a call” to someone, saying things like, “He’s dropping me off. Make sure the cops are there,” reports TMZ. This enraged Chris.
He then said something to the effect of “You are really fu**ed up now. I’m going to kill you.” That’s when Chris allegedly began his violent attack with his fists.
At some point during the attack Rihanna took the car keys out of the ignition and threw them outside. He reportedly went outside to look for them, and returned back to the car and allegedly choked her. That’s when she lost consciousness and a witness called 911.
Based on Rihanna’s statement and her injuries Chris will definitely face a felony domestic battery charge, but it’s unclear at this time whether or not that’s the only charge he’ll get because evidence that he made criminal threats against Rihanna is kind of thin.
Damn hate to say I told ya so but damn I TOLD YA’LL ASSES he had to have hit her before for it to escalate to this! I blame publicity for trying to make these kids seem perfect! SHIT happens! I’m also hearing Chris’ music is being yanked from airwaves due to his recent legal issues! Damn just when we thought no one could f*ck up their career more than R.Kelly or Kobe Bryant, Chris comes along and does this 
posted by Lady Drama @ 1:44 PM 0 comments
Lady Drama: Rapper Jay Z Furious at Chris Brown
In more Chris and Rihanna news a website called contact music is reporting that Jay Z is furious about the recent incident with Rihanna (like we didn’t already know that)! In any event read the juice below:
CHRIS BROWN is set to incur the wrath of hip-hop king JAY-Z over his alleged assault on R&B star RIHANNA. Brown was arrested on Sunday (08Feb09) for felony battery after an incident with an as yet unidentified woman, reported to be Rihanna, in a vehicle in Los Angeles.
And Jay-Z, who discovered and mentored Rihanna, was reportedly enraged upon hearing the allegations, warning of retributions for Brown. A source tells Us Weekly magazine, “He hit the roof. Chris is a walking dead man. He messed with the wrong crew.”
I’ll just be glad when this is a wrap because like the elastic on some old undies it’s getting stretched out to capacity!
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Posted By Lady Drama to Your Black Gossip at 2/11/2009 08:40:00 AM
Dr Boyce Watkins: What Love Means to Me
Brought to you by The Great Black Speakers Bureau – The #1 Black Speakers Bureau in the world.
To get financial advice from Dr. Boyce, please visit www.DrBoyceMoney.com. To see video commentary from Dr. Boyce, please click here.
Dr. Boyce Watkins
FYI: I should be on the NPR show "Tell Me More with Michel Martin", a journalist for whom I have tremendous respect. We recorded today with Shelby Steele, a conservative scholar out at Stanford and another scholar named Jon Powell, at Ohio State. The conversation is interesting, and I recommend you give it a listen. You can learn more about the show at this link: http://www.npr.org/blogs/tellmemore/.
I also got another call yesterday from "The Big O"…yes, you know who I am talking about. Apparently, there is some interest in my Financial Lovemaking Book. I’ll keep you posted on that one, since I am not 100% sure if my demographic matches that of the Great Ms. Winfrey. While I feel that Financial Lovemaking can work well for her audience, my alignment with the hip hop community may make for an awkward fit. The fact that I engage in critical analysis (meaning that no one is 100% good or 100% bad) means that I sometimes make enemies in this game because of my refusal to kiss anyone’s butt too much. But I do give respect where it is due, and I consider Oprah to be an amazing role model for all of us. The same goes for President Obama.
In light of the fact that Valentine’s Day is coming, I was thinking about the whole idea of love. I must also admit that I thought about love when I noticed the singer Chris Brown might have ruined his career in this mad situation with Rihanna (apparently, there may be some abuse in that relationship, I’m not sure). Either way, I think that anyone who has been young and in a relationship understands how stupid and crazy things can happen. I’ve never considered Chris Brown to be a bad person. But he may have done a bad thing.
Seeing the huge loss that these two young people may have imposed on their lives (Chris and Rihanna), led me to reflect on love and what it means to me. Here is my personal perspective on love….love it or hate it (haha).
What Love Should and Should Not Be
By Dr. Boyce Watkins
I’ve lived a bit of life and made my share of mistakes. But as a professor, I am trained to learn from poor choices and grow from them. Most processes have a purpose and a pattern. If you think hard enough and honestly confront your failures, triumphs and observations, you can usually walk away with a bit of insight. The term “No pain, no gain”, can certainly be applied in the game of love, and I intend to gain from my own personal portfolio of blissful heartache.
So, I’ve come up with some “Rules of Love” out of respect for Valentine’s Day. It’s not scientific and not a fit for everyone. But it comes from the head, the heart and all the other body parts I can’t mention in this article. So, at least you know it’s sincere.
Love should be RESPECTED: One of the silliest things I see in some relationships is that people seem to be most interested in chasing the person who loves them the least, while kicking their greatest admirers to the curb. They choose the best option they can GET instead of the best option they’ve already GOT. There is something that people love about a challenge. It can be a natural instinct to equate kindness with weakness and easy access with a lack of value. Many of us are guilty of crying over the person who ignores us and ignoring the person who cries for us. Someone who gives you their heart can also take it away, so we must respect those who’ve truly earned it.
Love should be EXPECTED: Part of the reason that some of us spend our time chasing the loser who doesn’t love us is because deep down, we feel that someone who cares for us must be flawed or unworthy of our time. On the other hand, it is easy to feel sorry for yourself when you see that the one you usually want doesn’t want you back. The truth of the matter is that if someone disrespects the appreciation you are showing toward them, then they don’t deserve your love anyway. You should love yourself enough to walk away from those who choose not to treat you as you deserve to be treated.
Love should be given to YOURSELF: Part of demanding the love that you deserve is engaging in the difficult art of SELF LOVE. Many times, we look in the emotional mirror and see blemishes, flaws, faults, mistakes and the ugliest sides of who we are. Rather than greeting the world with our heads held high, we keep our heads down and hope no one notices that we are not as good as everyone else. Loving yourself is similar to learning to love another person: there is a point where you must simply accept the flaws. You must realize that you are no more defective and no more perfect than everyone else, and that you too deserve to be happy. If you can’t love yourself, then it’s damn near impossible to truly love someone else, since you are only offering them what you perceive to be damaged goods.
Love is meant to be CELEBRATED: I’ve admittedly never been able to fully grasp the concept of homosexuality, but I’ve never had a problem with gay marriage. One thing I believe is that love was created by GOD: that includes love between a man and a woman, a man and a man or a woman and a woman. There should not be religious, social or racial boundaries imposed on meaningful love, for we do not get to choose the shape, size or complexion of the package. When God blesses someone with such a powerful connection, this love should be celebrated by all of us and not judged or held in contempt. Melting someone’s halo of happiness by dousing it with a flood of hate is a counter-productive use of our time and a wasteful spiritual endeavor.
Valentine’s Day is meant to be YEAR ROUND: You should not need a special holiday to show someone you love them. You should tell them something good, positive, and affirming every time you see them, because this will make that person feel good. You should not need corporate America’s permission and some hyper-commercialized holiday as your excuse to show affection. I encourage you to say ten nice things per day to people you care about, which may include complimenting them on their clothes, their hair, their personality, their beauty or their presence. It will make them feel good and leave a lasting psychological impact. Our words are “emotional money” and we should be consistently making donations.
Love should be REFLECTIVE: The hardest way to get what you want is to selfishly pursue it, take it or relentlessly absorb it. That’s like waiting for your paycheck and never showing up for work. If you are in a truly loving situation, you get what you want by REFLECTING IT. If you WANT more success out of life, you GIVE more hard work. If you WANT better grades, you GIVE more time to the library. If you WANT more appreciation from your partner, you GIVE more attention and affection. If you choose to share your love with someone who deserves it, then they will give the love right back to you, with interest. Like a healthy economy, the cycle will become recursive and productive trade increases the value of each partner’s “Life Portfolio”. In pleasure, pain and everything in between, to get more, you must give more. You must also make payments in the currency deemed most valuable to your partner. There’s no way around that fact.
Love should be PRACTICED: Love is not just a feeling, an emotion, a whim or something that makes your skin shiver. Loving someone is a DELIBERATE ACT and a series of habits designed to sustain and maintain the relationship you have with one another. The work of the greatest writers in history was not always driven by inspiration and a desire to write…..sometimes, it was the act of sitting down each day and forcing themselves to write which eventually inspired them to do their greatest work. In other words, love is a series of proactive habits, choices and behaviors that correlate with your desire to have a meaningful and stable relationship with another person. It’s not something you just randomly “fall into” and “out of”…..it is something you choose to do.
Love should be CONTEMPLATED: When it comes to dating, I tell my daughter and God daughters the following: “If a man is not someone you can see raising your children, then don’t even go out on the first date.” They look at me like I’m crazy, but the point is simple: While you cannot easily choose to release yourself from the psychological grips of love, you have some ability to choose who you are going to fall in love with in the beginning. Most of us don’t meet someone and decide that we are going to be with this person for years. There is always the first glance, the first date, the first kiss, the first touch, and before you know it, you’re stuck in a situation that doesn’t make any sense to you. So, if you don’t start with point A, you can never reach point Z. This makes the most sense when you can see that point Z is not the place you want to visit with this particular person.
Love should be REMEMBERED: A big challenge for many young or single people (and even those who are married) is that we spend our time chasing the love and affection that is most intriguing to our hormones, while ignoring the love that is most tried and true. A man might spend hours on the phone with a pretty lady who doesn’t even like him, but simultaneously ignore his grandmother who would gladly give her life for him. Valentine’s Day is not just the day you send “sweets to your sweetie”. It is also the day you shower love on your mother, brother, sister, father, best friend, homeboy, children, grand parents and all the people who will love you long after your sweetie has become sweet on someone else. In the city of love, new buildings are shiniest and most appealing. But the older buildings are the sturdiest and most enduring.
Love is LIFE: Not only does the act of love create and sustain life, it is also the greatest part of our journey through life. We may or may not remember or be inspired by our professional or educational achievements, but we have an immediate and powerful emotional reaction when we reflect on the love we’ve experienced over the years. Thinking about children, family or ex-lovers can create an emotional response that can’t be matched by a corporate job or advanced degree. I tell my students that one of the most important decisions they will ever make is who they choose to spend their lives with. I’ve seen many people drive themselves down the path to hell by choosing to share their love with someone who deserves it the least. Like the most amazing roller coaster, the journey of love is long, complicated, exciting, scary and fulfilling. So, while we’re on this journey, we should make sure we turn on the GPS.
Happy Valentine’s Day and I hope this day inspires you to find the love that exists in your life. It’s all around you if you learn to look for it. Even in an economy like this one, the love in your life can make you a billionaire.
Dr. Boyce Watkins is a Professor at Syracuse University. For more information, please visit www.BoyceWatkins.com.
Kanye, TI Speak on Chris Brown and Rihanna
Not only are all the blogs talking about the assault that Rihanna endured from Chris Brown, now their celeb friends are speaking out too. Rapper Kanye West expressed his feeling about the situation earlier today stating,
She (Rihanna) has the potential to be the greatest artist of all time and, in that sense,…… I feel like that’s my baby sis and I would do any and everything to help her in any situation,… I feel like, just as a person, I don’t care how famous she is or even if she just worked at McDonald’s, that should never happen. It should never come to that place"
Rapper T.I. also commented on the situation on the Last Call With Carson Daly Show. See what he had to say below.
Seems like they both are taking sides, and since Kanye said he would do ANY and EVERYTHING for Rihanna maybe he can whoop Chris for her!!!
Labels: black celebrity gossip, Chris Brown, chris brown and rihanna domestic violence, kanye west, T.I.
Chris Brown Prosecution Assisted by Rihanna
R&B star Rihanna is cooperating with investigators building a domestic violence case against her boyfriend, the singer Chris Brown, a police source said Monday.
The source said the 20-year-old performer, whose full name is Robyn Rihanna Fenty, was providing "ongoing" cooperation to detectives who booked Brown on Sunday on suspicion of making criminal threats against her.
An early morning altercation with Brown after a pre-Grammy Awards party left Rihanna with bruises and a scratch on her face, according to police sources. She was treated at a "major medical facility," a police source said.
Brown, 19, has a double-platinum record and dance moves often compared to Michael Jackson’s. He fled before officers arrived, police said.
He remained free on $50,000 bail, but neither he nor his attorney would speak about allegations that rocked the Grammys ceremony. Brown and Rihanna were both nominated; neither attended the ceremony.
The fight occurred after midnight on a quiet block in Hancock Park, where Brown had stopped a rented Lamborghini he was driving. According to police, several people saw or heard a loud, violent confrontation. The luxury car was impounded because the alleged assault may have begun in the vehicle, a police source said.
Report: Usher Going to Miss the Grammies
Seems like there are going to be a few big time artist missing from this years Grammys. Chris Brown won’t be in attendance because of his investigation, Rihanna won’t be either, and now it looks like Usher won’t be. Usher canceled his performance at Clive Davis’s Annual Pre-Grammy party due to a "family emergency", which involved his wife Tameka. It has been reported that Tameka is experiencing complication from her recent plastic surgery, but these reports haven’t been confirmed. Now I usually don’t have anything nice to say about her but I hope she has a safe and speedy recovery.
Singer CHRIS BROWN Also Charged With "Assault with a deadly Weapon"
via AutumnJones by autumnjonesblog@gmail.com (AutumnJones) on 2/9/09
(Rihanna in this picture looks like she’s crying)
The above pictures show Rihanna and Chris at both the gas station and leaving Clive Davis pre-grammy party in Chris’s Lambo. This was all just minutes before the alleged attack.
Various media outlets are confirming that Rihanna is indeed the reported victim, as everyone speculated. The LAPD is expected to give a briefing on the case later on this evening (PST).
As I reported earlier Chris has been charged with one count felony criminal threats however new reports state Chris will likely also be charged with a Deadly Weapons charge. According to several outlets the report is stating Rihanna who’s real name is (Robyn Rihanna Fenty) is the victim. These charges could result in up to 9 years in prison for Chris. Chris’s court date has been set to March 5th.
Of course Rumors are spreading stating that Rihanna gave Chris Herpes, being that she was spotted with a cold sore a few weeks back, drunken fight, and to a jealous rage and fight due to another man/woman being in the picture.
Word is also that this is not the first time that their relationship has gotten physical.
Chris has discussed openly about how his stepfather was physically abusive toward his mother. Chris has also secured high powered attorney Mark Geragos, the same lawyer for Michael Jackson who helped him defeat those molestation charges.
****Chris Brown Being Investigated for Felony Battery (LINK)
THIS story is still developing
Nicole Spence: Is 30 the New 20?
Nicole Spence – Relationship Guru
I’m a sexy soon to be 30year old woman… not quite at that the age where I could be labeled a Cougar. So, of course the notion of dating younger men seemed like a big waste of time! Why, you ask? Because in my mind, I’m like WTF is he ready for? And when I say young, I literally mean anyone below two years younger than me. Pointless! But you know what? I’ll be 30 soon, so, I’m all about doing things differently and seeing what the outcome will be….
A girlfriend of mine, let’s call her "Renee" recently started dating (or let’s just say hooking up) with a younger guy. She is 30 and the guy is 26! Once she mentioned his age, I was like “Oh Please K.I.M {Keep It Moving}.” Then the story grew even more stereotypical…drum roll please…he wants to be a Rapper!! WTF?? Who has time to deal with that headache? "Not I" said the Cat LOL! The voyeur that I am found this story to be very interesting, because my formerly sex starved friend then began to describe a “sexcapade” of 10 rounds! Whew! Nice! I’m Jealous!
Apparently, this young lad never grew tired or limp (giggles). He wasn’t the dreaded "one nutter"! My girlfriend who once shared my same sentiments: " MF is too young K.I.M!" was now lying spooned up with this young buck! She felt comfortable, so she was honest about her initial reaction to his career aspirations {wack}! To her surprise, she found out that "The Rapper" has a degree in Marketing, and can write his ass off! Light bulb! He’s talented. Being that’s she’s in the entertainment field, they discussed other avenues where his skills could be used like "advertising". Then, they rested in between sessions and had a building dialogue. Now, this sex buddy doesn’t seem that pointless. They had a great weekend of; I repeat 10 rounds {still jealous}! You never know they could be really good friends, or dare I say, "future Boos!”
I don’t know but it has me wondering… Is Young More Fun?
Ladies, is young more fun? Hit me up and tell about your experience with younger guys…
Black News: Tiger Woods Has a New Baby
On the day Tiger Woods usually hoists a trophy at Torrey Pines, the world’s No. 1 golfer was busy with the birth of his first son.
Woods announced on his Web site early Monday that his wife, Elin, had given birth to a boy, Charlie Axel Woods. It is the couple’s second child following the birth of daughter Sam Alexis in June 2007 on the day after the U.S. Open.
“Elin and I are thrilled to announce the birth of our son, Charlie Axel Woods, who was born on Sunday February 8, 2009,” Woods wrote in the statement. “Both Charlie and Elin are doing great and we want to thank everyone for their sincere best wishes and kind thoughts. Sam is very excited to be a big sister and we feel truly blessed to have such a wonderful family.
“I also want to thank our doctors, nurses and the hospital staff for their personal and professional care. We look forward to introducing Charlie to you at the appropriate time, and again thanks from all of us for your kindness and support.”
Your Black News: LAPD Investigates Chris Brown for Allegedly Hitting a Female
Chris Brown is under investigation for alleged domestic violence felony battery, the LAPD confirms to PEOPLE.
“The identity of the victim will not be released,” said Officer April Harding. “Any victim who’s involved in a domestic violence incident is entitled to confidentiality.”
Around 12:30 a.m. on Sunday, the R&B singer and a woman were in a vehicle in L.A. when they became involved in an argument, according to a police statement. After stopping his car, Brown and the woman got out and the argument escalated. The woman suffered visible injuries and identified Brown as her attacker, according to police.
The LAPD received a 911 call reporting the disturbance.When officers arrived they found the victim, but Brown had already left the scene, the statement reads. The LAPD is conducting an investigation into the incident. Earlier Saturday night Brown and girlfriend Rihanna were at the Recording Academy and Clive Davis’s Pre-Grammy Gala in Beverly Hills.
Senior Black Couple Sets Record with 84-year Marriage
Liz Bowles/Sun Journal
Zelmyra and Herbert Fisher have set a world record as the oldest living couple married the longest.
September 13, 2008 – 10:48PM
Francine Sawyer
Sun Journal Staff
A Craven County couple are in the Guinness World Records book.
The two did nothing outlandish such as sky-diving upside down, dancing for days, taking the longest lawn mower ride or having the most tattoos.
No, Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher of the Brownsville community have been married for more than 84 years. That is a feat in itself.
They have the world record of the longest marriage for a living couple.
They can thank their granddaughter Iris Godette for getting the recognition. She submitted the information to the Guinness Book of Records..
The information was apparently checked by Guinness and a certificate was given to the couple.
However, when you ask Herbert about the Guinness recognition, he just says, “Oh, Yeah?” The recognition has not changed their life.
He still looks at her with love and concern, as she looks toward him as if he will give her strength and guidance.
They have lived for more than 50 years in a house near the Coastal Carolina Regional Airport . They lived in James City before that but the land was purchased for apartments and the two moved.
Herbert was born June 10, 1905. His hearing is going but his mind is sharp. Zelmyra was born Dec. 10, 1907. She uses a walker to get around the house and yard. The two of them can still give their reasons for marrying on May 13, 1924.
“He was not mean; he was not a fighter,” Zelmrya said. “He was quiet and kind. He was not much to look at but he was sweet.”
Herbert said Zelmyra never gave him any trouble. “No, no trouble at all. We never argued, but we might have disagreed,” he said.
Norma Godette, one of the couple’s five children. said her parents have gotten along well through the years.
“One time, mama wanted to work. Daddy told her she could not work, that he could take care of the family. She slipped down to Cherry Point and got a job as a caretaker there,” Godette said.
“Well, it was done; she got the job. I had to let it be,” Herbert said.
Different religions did not tear the two apart. He is a member of Pilgrim Chapel Missionary Baptist Church . She is a member of Jones Chapel African Methodist Episcopal Zion Church . The churches are in James City , where they both grew up. For all of their married life they have attended their own churches. They go their own ways on Sunday morning.She reads the Bible daily.
The two watch television together. “We separate when the baseball comes on,” Zelmyra said.
Herbert loves baseball, especially the Atlanta Braves. He also enjoys golf, because one of his son-in-laws plays the game.
They have no secret or sage advice as to why their marriage has lasted so long.
“I didn’t know I would be married this long,” Herbert said. “But I lived a nice holy life and go to church every Sunday.
“Yes sir, anything for her.”
Zelmyra said Herbert was the only boyfriend she ever had. “We got along good,” she said. “There was no trouble.”
She said she is not tired of seeing him. “I didn’t think I’d be married this long. He is quiet,” she said.
Zelmyra said her husband had no annoying habits. They both said they shared the title of “boss.”
The two sit on the porch and as a train goes by they count the cars. They also watch the neighbors who walk by.
“They were excellent parents,” said Norma Godette. “We were poor, but we didn’t do without a thing. If he had two cents he saved one cent.”Herbert worked as a mechanic at the Coca-Cola Bottling Company in New Bern for 35 years.
He took a bicycle, caught a cab or had a neighbor drive him to work.
That hard work and savings put all five of the children through college.
Inside the house are plaques, letters of recognition, and awards that both the Fishers and their children received for accomplishments in civic duties and church.
The house where they raised their children has two sitting rooms and three bedrooms. Now that the children are grown, the Fishers enjoy having a bedroom for each. Herbert Fisher can stay up until the last ball is thrown in the ballgame he is watching. And he does.
Herbert makes his bed each day and sweeps his floor.
He also checks on his wife as she rests.
Between the rests, they enjoy their children, ten grandchildren, nine great-grandchildren and nieces and nephews.
Both say that if they had it to do over, they would not change their life.
Dr. Boyce on the Mike and Juliet Morning Show
Your Black Love: Cheating on the Downlow – What’s Love got to do with it?
By Syreeta L. McNeal, CPA, JD
Recently, New York Knick’s basketball player, Eddy Curry, a married father of several kids, received notice of a sexual-harassment lawsuit by his former limo driver, Kuchinsky. Kuchinsky is alleging that Curry tried to solicit gay sexual activity from him while working as a 24/7 chauffer for the NBA hoop star and his family.[1] With the national press coverage of this story, I am reminded of the movie,Cover, which explored the current situation that appears to be facing many black families. Cover is a film about a devoted, churchgoing wife, and mother whose faith is shattered when she discovers that her husband is living a secret double life.[2] Also, there is a 30-minute internet movie, Results, which tackles the same type of betrayal and shows how the couple tackles it in the span of one night.[3] So, as it relates to married men who happen to cheat on their spouse on thedown low, I ask, what’s love got to do with it? I understand the question is paying tribute to the hit single by Tina Turner. However, I think people should explore the reasons why married men choose to cheat on the down low and should a wife, who takes a vow of fidelity with her husband, continue in the relationship after discovering the betrayal.
People might ask why a lawyer would write an article on a social topic such as married men who cheat on the down low. Well, a lawyer is considered an attorney and counselor at law. When a wife chooses to get a divorce due to infidelity from their husbands cheating on the down low, it is important for lawyers to understand the origin of the relationship and what caused the heartache to their client so that they can effectively provide legal advice and counseling for their client. In a majority of states, infidelity is just one factor in how marital property is divided between former married couples. Even though a wife might want her husband, who cheated on the down low, to get nothing and pay dearly for the betrayal, the courts in a majority of states will not find fault (e.g. infidelity) a determining factor in the division of marital property. Therefore, it behooves the lawyer to try other methods of counseling to explain the law to jilted married clients.
This article will analyze the meaning of love, the reasons why people get married, and what actions people should take to minimize the potential of being married to men who cheat on the down low.
Meaning of Love
Love has many meanings. Webster dictionary defines Love as a strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties (e.g. maternal love for a child).[4] Also, love is an attraction based on sexual desires (e.g. affection and tenderness felt by lovers).[5] Love is also an affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests (e.g. love for old schoolmates).[6] Also, love is a warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion (e.g. love of the sea).[7] Love can also be used as a term of endearment.[8] Love is also the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another.[9] Love is a sexual embrace.[10] In all, love embraces a form that is erotic, romantic, familial, platonic, and religious.
Similar to Webster dictionary, Christianity embraces four forms of love: Agapē, Philia, Eros, and Storge.[11] Agapē means charitable, selfless, altruistic, and unconditional.[12] It is parental love seen as creating goodness in the world.[13] It is the way God is seen to love humanity and it is seen as the kind of love that Christians aspire to have for others.[14] Philia is defined as the human response to something that is found to be delightful.[15] Also, it is known as “brotherly love”.[16] Eros is defined as sexual love.[17] Storge is defined as the needy child-to-parent love.[18]
One thing that is fascinating is the explanation of what Eros is. Eros is a very passionate love, with sensual desire and longing.[19] In the classical world, the phenomenon of love was generally understood as a kind of madness or, as the Greeks put it, theia mania (“madness from the gods”).[20] This love passion is best illustrated by a scheme involving “love arrows” or “love darts.”[21] The source of the arrows is said to be the image of the beautiful love object itself.[22] If the arrows arrive at the lover’s eyes, they would then travel to and ‘pierce’ and ‘wound’ his or her heart and overwhelm him/her with desire and longing.[23] This creates an image of an “arrow’s wound” where an oxymoron of pleasure and pain is created.[24]
As illustrated above, love has different meanings. Saying “I love you” to a person can mean a variety of things. The issue for married couples who are dealing with husbands who cheat on the down low isnot whether they love their wives. The issue is what type of love does husbands who cheat on the down low have for their wives. In my opinion, this is the heart of the conflict that exists between married couples who have husbands who cheat on the down low. Next, it is important to understand why people marry.
Why People Marry
Marriage is a social, religious, spiritual or legal union of individuals.[25] People marry for many reasons, but usually they marry for one or more of the following reasons:[26]
· legal, social, and economic stability;
· the formation of a family unit;
· procreation and the education and nurturing of children;
· legitimizing sexual relations;
· public declaration of love; or
· to obtain citizenship
In almost all Protestant forms of Christianity, they hold marriage to be ordained by God for the union between a man and a woman.[27]They see the primary purpose of this union to be to glorify God by demonstrating his love to the world.[28] Other secondary purposes of marriage include intimate companionship, rearing children and mutual support for both husband and wife to fulfill their life callings.[29]
Like love, people marry for a variety of reasons. What is extremely interesting is that when protestant Christians marry their primary purpose is for the union to glorify God. One example of the betrayal for protestant Christians is when married men cheat on the down low. This action is not one that glorifies God especially when the bible states that men (or women) who practice homosexuality will not inherit the kingdom of God.[30] So, the conflict exists and men and women need to be aware of who their partners are before entering into marriage.
The Reality of the Conflict of Down Low Activity with Marriage
Some married men who cheat on the down low believe that down low activity is similar when men cheat with other women. I beg to differ. As these movies illustrate, a woman cannot compete with a man sexually. Women and men are not equal in physical form. Men and women have different sexual features and different purposes of use for these features. I equate the differences between men and women similar to placing pieces of a jigsaw puzzle together. Do like parts unite or do opposite pieces fit together?
If a married man cheats on the down low, they have a sexual attraction for another man. Sorry ladies. Physically, there is nothing you can do, except do a sex change, to sexually fulfill a man who wants to sleep with other men. A married man might love his wife, but the sexual love a wife is craving from her husband does not exist the way she wants or believes it should exist especially if this type of infidelity occurs after the coupled exchanged wedding vows to be married. There are always signs of men who have a sexual attraction for another man. However, you have to open your eyes and find out who your spouse truly is before you enter into marriage.
Attributes of Counseling Before Marriage
One way to discover whether your significant partner is ready to be married is to participate in marriage counseling. In essence, you are treating your marriage as a long term investment and gathering as much information about your spouse before you enter into marriage. As illustrated above, love has many meanings and people marry for different reasons. Just because someone says “I love you” is not all you need to know to venture into marriage. What a man and woman need to find out from each other is what type of love exists and is it reciprocally felt. If your potential spouse only feels an admiration for you and you feel romantic love for that person, then you need to find this out before you venture into marriage and not get married to the person. Also, what are the reasons why the man and woman are getting married and is it reciprocal. If your potential spouse wants to get married to obtain citizenship and you want to get married public declaration of love, then you need to find this out before you venture into marriage and not get married to this person.
Ideally, married couples expect their spouses to solely want them only. They believe their spouse will be the complement human being to help fulfill their needs mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. No one is perfect, but the union of a man and woman is expected to be one that works to perfection as seen in God’s light. When married men cheat on the down low, there is an erotic and sexual attraction for people of the same sex that their wife can’t fulfill. A potential spouse needs to know this before hand and not marry the individual especially if they seek their spouse to solely want them only.
Effective marriage counseling will be able to discover the compatibility of the couple. Marriage counseling should emphasize substance over form. The counseling should explore the type of love that exists and if it is reciprocally felt. Also, marriage counseling should explore the reasons why each person wants to marry and whether it is reciprocal. Furthermore, there is nothing wrong with doing an extensive background check on people before getting married. When you choose to marry someone, you are making a societal and private contract that this individual is someone you will honor and cherish, to have and to hold, until death do you part. With any type of long term investment, you need to know what you are getting into. This is not to say that marriages will not have problems, but if you choose someone to be married to you, you are making a long term investment in that individual expecting that the good will outweigh the bad. Know what you are getting into so you canminimize suffering betrayals like having married men cheat on the down low.
Legal Disclaimer: This site provides information about the law designed to keep readers informed of pertinent legal matters affecting the African-American community. But legal information is not the same as legal advice — the application of law to an individual’s specific circumstances. Although we go to great lengths to make sure our information is accurate and useful, we recommend you consult a lawyer in your specific location if you want professional assurance that our information, and your interpretation of it, is appropriate to your particular situation.
[1]http://www.nypost.com/seven/01132009/news/regionalnews/knick_gets_called_for_sex_foul_149982.htm
[2] http://www.coverthemovie.com/
[3] http://www.imdb.com/video/wab/vi3195994137/
[4] http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/Love
[5] Id.
[6] Id.
[7] Id.
[8] Id.
[9] Id.
[10] Id.
[11] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_(religious_views)
[12] Id.
[13] Id.
[14] Id.
[15] Id.
[16] Id.
[17] Id.
[18] Id.
[19] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eros_(love)
[20] Id.
[21] Id.
[22] Id.
[23] Id.
[24] Id.
[25] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage
[26] Id.
[27] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_views_of_marriage
[28] Id.
[29] Id.
[30] 1 Corinthians 6:9
Hulk Hogan Says He Understands OJ’s Rage
Pro wrestling legend Hulk Hogan, embroiled in a bitter divorce with his wife, Linda, told Rolling Stone magazine he can "totally understand" O.J. Simpson, the former football great found liable for the deaths of his wife and another man.
Linda and Hulk Hogan enjoy happier times at the 2006 MTV Video Music Awards in New York in 2006.
"I could have turned everything into a crime scene like O.J., cutting everybody’s throat," Hogan said in the interview for a feature that will run in Friday’s edition of the magazine.
"You live half a mile from the 20,000-square-foot home you can’t go to anymore, you’re driving through downtown Clearwater [Florida] and see a 19-year-old boy driving your Escalade, and you know that a 19-year-old boy is sleeping in your bed, with your wife… .
"I totally understand O.J. I get it," Hogan said
A spokeswoman for Rolling Stone magazine confirmed the quote to CNN.
Click to read.