Mother Says “You’re Going to Die with Me,” Then Drives her Children into the Hudson River
by Dr. Boyce Watkins, Syracuse University – Scholarship in Action
LaShanda Armstrong, a 25-year old mother of four, drove herself and her children into the Hudson River this week. Armstrong was distraught after finding out that her boyfriend Jean Pierre, father of three of her children, was sleeping with another woman. Armstrong and three of her children drown, with the fourth child swimming to shore.
Right before killing her family, Armstrong wrote a Facebook message stating: “I’m sorry everyone forgive me please for what I’m gonna do… This is it!!!”
The river was just seven blocks from Armstrong’s home in Newburgh, New York. Leshaun, the 10-year old boy who escaped from the van, got out of the car by climbing over his mother’s leg. She grabbed at his leg as he was climbing out, and eventually let go. The boy told the woman who found him that his mother realized shortly after driving into the river that she’d made a mistake and tried to back out.
‘I made a mistake. I made a terrible mistake’ Ms. Armstrong said, as her car was falling into the river. As he was taken to a nearby fire station, the boy told police that his mother also said, “I’m sorry, I’m about to do something crazy. If I’m going to die, you’re going to die with me.”
The children who died with their mother were five-year old Landon Pierre, two-year old Lance Pierre, and 11-year old Lainaina Pierre. The father was allegedly having an affair with Sharon Ramirez, a 22-year old woman who says that she was no longer sleeping with Ms. Armstrong’s boyfriend when the incident occurred. Most ironic is that she and Ms. Armstrong were actually friends later down the road, although she never admitted that she’d slept with the father of her children.
It’s hard for me to hold back the tears as I read about the tragedy that this young family had to endure. Clearly, their mother had serious psychological problems, for there is no excuse for a mother to kill her own children. As sorry as I feel for Ms. Armstrong, I feel most sorry for the children who died in that freezing river in the hands of the woman they thought would always protect them.
As for the relationship itself and what the rest of us can learn from this, the reality is that there are always going to be disappointments in love and life. People leave us, they cheat on us and they hurt us. But it’s important that we remind ourselves and our children that the sun always rises again, and that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. As much as Ms. Armstrong loved Mr. Pierre, the truth is that life goes on, even when our relationships come to an end. Co-dependence is never healthy or safe for any of us.
May this young woman and her children rest in peace. This is the saddest story I’ve written about this year. Due to the fact that all of her children had the middle name “Pierre,” it is clear that Ms. Armstrong loved her childrens’ father. But there actually is such a thing as loving someone too much, and we must always keep that in mind.
Dr. Boyce Watkins is a Professor at Syracuse University and founder of the Your Black World Coalition. To have Dr. Boyce commentary delivered to your email, please click here.
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It always amazes me that people always have alot to say and yes this young lady had issues but until you have been there do not judge…
I am so very touched by this story… It could be the story of so many of us… Young mothers, overwhelmed by stresses, I am all too familiar with that burden through my own. Bless her heart, for thinking she was alone….
and anyone else should try to remember that you are not alone..every woman shares that, it is our kinship…our shared suffering that makes us sisters- under- the- skin. I will never know you, but I care…. I’m praying for strength for her little boy, he could be my grandson, or my nephew..
Thats a bunch of garbage Jasmine, we can judge insanity and that is what this is. A young woman, as Boyce Watkins so effectively put it, just loved the wrong man waay too much. She was someone with ultra low self esteem and psychological issues to boot to kill her own dear children. THey did not deserve this! Someone from Facebook should have alerted authorities because sounds as if she posted a cry for help. I am not going to give her a rest in peace because she is also a murderer.
I found this to be crazy as hell, another typical story of a woman with low self esteem. women like her are the main reason why men view us in the way that they do., all this over some penis. u got to be kidding me there isn’t enough love or dyck in the world to make me take my life let alone my children life, clearly we need the old grandmother era back to teach foolish azz women how to be strong an love themselves no matter what. I’m going to do a show on this coming very soon. follow me on twitter mskane808.
Wow the only ones I feel sorry for are the children. She killed herself and her children over a man really. Where is a mothers love? She had mental issues and esteem issues also. She was selfish. Judgment has been set sweet hart. The facts speak for themselves. She let a man become the center of her world not her children they paid the price. Coward that what she was a coward to kill innocent children and the man she did this over is still with whom ever he wants to be with and dumb ass is six feet under.
I wonder when I hear stories like this whether most people have come to a firm understanding of what love is…the evidence stated here sounds more like hated of the father of her children, hence, the woman wanted to do away with them because she also hated herself for having his children. When we hate, we kill…when we love, we forgive. I do realize that this woman was mentally, spiritually and emotionally unhealhy but it is what it is. I am not convinced that someone will kill because he/she loved too much.
I can speak to this situation because I truly know and understand co-dependence and have been betrayed in this way by my first and only husband of my youth. As the saying goes…”you don’t know what someone is or has gone through until you have walked in the same shoes.”
My hope is that as black people we stop putting our heads in the sand about mental illness and spiritual bankruptcy…let’s pay more attention and not be ashamed to seek spiritual counsel in times of crisis. Don’t shun irrational thinking when we hear it and please don’t be afraid to speak up and speak out about the truth…someone probably could have been influencial in saving the lives of this woman and the children.
And if anyone readin this knows that little boy who survived…please love him and talk openly with him about his experience…there is no power in keeping it a secret…and I say that from a professional perspective.
Much love to the family who is left behind…
I think that we can feel desperate and panic when we are suddenly left alone. I think if this young mother had had some support she might have made a different decision. Her son’s view that she changed her mind is consistent with my understanding of many people who attempt suicide and change thier minds after they have taken some action. Her son was too little to do anything except get out….and so glad that he did. But she and her younger children might all have been saved had their been someone for her to have spoken with, someone who might have helped her see that despite her relationship problems life could have be okay for her and for her children.
So sad.
I cried like a baby when learning of this very, very sad story.
It is a classic example of how the community at large, and especially
the black community, has become so impervious to the burden that the
average black woman bears; and totally insensitive to the humanity of
black women, always resorting to the rationalization of “how strong”
black women are.
The dregs of slavery have virtually left the black woman a manless
species. Here this poor women is 25 years old, becoming a mother
the first of four times at 15 years old. Everyone who was familiar
with her testified to how good of a mother she was. Even from the
photos, you could see how happy and well groomed the children appeared
to be.
Yet, this poor woman has four children, as a single mother, from the
time she was 15 years old to 25 years old. She’s working, while also
going to school and having to cook, clean, iron, wash, braid hair,
change clothes, prepare four children for school and daycare every
day, while attending to other activities with these children, and
try to hold on to a fleeting man who, probably brought little to
nothing to the table in terms of being a responsible mate. If so,
he probably would have married her.
Yet, all I hear are judgments and condemnations of this woman. Why
doesn’t this culture of putting all of the onus of adulthood on women,
while rewarding the males for being irresponsible and having little
to no appreciation for black women, grow up. Black women carry way
too much of the burden of responsibility and adulthood and and acute
shortage of men, render those who are bi-sexual and/or heterosexual
spoiled, arrogant brats who realize that there is a 100:1 ratio of
women to men, ergo they don’t have to grow up.
And, heaven forbid a black male get two cents to rub together these
days, they want absolutely nothing to do with a black woman, and
particularly a good black woman.
No one is condemning her boyfriend and/or the lack of family and
community support. Yet, I wonder how many could have carried the
burden and load that this young woman had to deal with as a single
mother of four children, who worked, went to school and dealt with
the stress and strain of keeping a household afloat with little to
no support system? No one. I don’t know when she slept. She
couldn’t have gotten much more than a few hours sleep a night.
This “strong black woman” bs is a lark. Black women are human beings
just like everyone else, and need love, support, partnership and help
in meeting this cold, cold world where a black woman is at the bottom
of the rung no matter where she is on the planet. And black men need
to start stepping up and being men regardless of their sexual preference,
especially in support of our children whether sired by them or not.
Grow up black man, and black women start valuing yourself for a change.
Lorie. Thank God it’s not up to you to determine who receives blessings and who doesn’t. Jasmine, you’re right. We don’t know what kind of pain the mother was in. We all process pain differently. This is a truly traggic story and we shouldn’t pass judgement on this woman. It is apparent that her coping mechanisms weren’t strong. Possibly she battled depression. It’s sad that she felt life had nothing else to offer her. Ending her children’s lives is paramount to a broken spirit. May God watch over her surviving son, her family, and those of the father of her children.
This incidentleft me with a very,very sad feeling and more respect for having had my ‘Mother’! Not knowing this ladys state of mind and what made her feeling that by committing suicide and murder was the ‘right’ thing to do. As a law enforcement officer I have worked suicide cases. The main and first question you ask yourself is ‘why’! Where was her support? Where was ‘that village’ and those village people for we all know as ‘humans’ ‘it takes a village to raise a child’! In thi case ‘We failed’ for I see myself as being a part of that ‘village’ that it takes to raise a child!!! LaShanda Armstrong, her children didn’t have the compassion the ‘village’! Is it a sign of the times??? Wake up People!!! How many more LaShanda are there out there??? Stop the killings!!!
This is a very sad and touching story. Apparently this young lady felt that she couldnt live without this man in her daily life. Its such a tragedy that a beautiful black woman didnt love herself enough or think enough of her own kids to move on without him. Always remember to never focus and center your whole being in any relationship. This is from a woman who wasnt able to have a life for herself but created her own life off of another. When you find yourself getting dumped or hurt from any relationship just remember that sadness comes but joy follows. Move on, theres always more fish to fry. Always say to yourself IT’s Their Lost!
You should never love someone more than you love yourself.
When I first heard about this story I assumed it was “another” white woman killing herself and her children. After “picking up my face” and re-grouping with the reality that “anyone” no matter the ethnicity could suffer from this kind of tragedy, I began to wonder “where” was LaShanda Armstrong’s mother and father?” What role did her mother play (if any) in this girl’s life? She got pregnant at fifteen and subsequently went on and had three more children by this “sorry-ass” dude who only thought of himself apparently. Yes, she definitely had some mental issues but does she have any brothers, sisters, aunts or uncles? Where is here family? Did she have any close friends? There has to be more than just LaShanda her children and this sorry-ass fool she was with, its no wonder (but not an excuse) that this woman had “on one” to turn to for advice, counsel or support. She felt completely alone in her anger, grief and loneliness, I would not want to every be in those shoes. The only lesson I can take away from this story is that it is important to have “family” (mother, father, brother, sister, aunt or uncle) no matter how dysfunctional. This poor soul died obviously alone and took her children with her, the truely sad thing is that those children trusted and loved their mother to take care of them and she let them down along with the man who fathered them. Over the last forty years I have watched the black community “separate” itself from God, and embrace “things”. The black baby-boomers have failed miserably in raising their children to fear (respect/honor) God and subsequently those children have failed to teach their children “anything” about God. We are now witnessing the ‘consequence’ of that failure in “every” aspect of our lives, God forgive and help us all.
My heart goes out to the mother and her children because of the tragedy itself. We as human beings need to be careful of how we mistreat one another, everyone of us has a breaking point or moments of hopelessness. Her children’s father became her breaking point when she discovered his cheating ways. I wished that she loved herself more than loving him, she and her children would still be alive today. I wished her loved one could have seen the warning signs and somehow intervened, but that is hindsight vision, isn’t it. This is so sad, but yet it happens. I wonder how the children’s father feel now about his actions and if he has learned a lesson. Men and women alike practice infidelities daily and think nothing of it, until tragedy strikes. Let all of us take heed by her mistake and treat one another better.
I understand completely. That was almost me nearly 30 years ago.
In my book “In My Skin,” I talk about the complete despair and pain that almost took me there, and the miracle that happened that turned me around just as I was headed out the door to my car about to head straight into the Chattahoochee – with my four kids buckled in the front and back seats.
Please hold everyone involved in this relationship accountable. Co-dependency is a relational dynamic not a character defect. I can only imagine the turmoil she must have been in to have elected such a tragic solution. The ultimate victims remain the lost children. However my heart goes out to those women and men who have limited abilities to govern themselves in relationships. How many women and men fail to see the abuse and neglect tangled onto what we call love. I wonder if this situation will force people to reflect on their own conduct within their relationships. Men and women identifying the ways they have or are misusing power and control. It would be a disservice to Ms Armstrong if she were left holding the bag for the totality of this situation. It remains our responsibility to teach men and women appropriate ways to conduct themselves in relationships. Teach them to make choices that help Foster healthy unions and recognize when those unions are not healthy. Provide them the tools to sever those unhealthy ties without tragedy such as this tale. I hope that people can feel some level of compassion for Ms Armstrong, as we hold her accountable for her tragic choice. My prayers go out to the child that survived. I hope that he gets the services he will need to sort through the unfortunate legacy his elders have bestowed upon him.
It is very unfortunate that LaShanda felt so alone. In this state of mind people do many foolish things and hurt the one’s we love. Judging this poor woman isn’t helping her or her children that perished with her or the son that remains. We should all be praying for her soul and that she was saved. When there is no relationship with God people perish and do feel that there is no hope becasue God is our hope. Her statement that you will die with me could mean several things, either she was taking the children in death to feel some form of revenge again their father or perhaps there was no one that she felt would take care of them. Yes, thsi poor woman did suffer from low self esteem, was insecure, depressed and any other negetative adjetive you may want to put in the blank spaces, but this sad story could be the story of someone you know and love. Please people of color reach out to each other more in love rather than judgment and condemnation that is not for you to do. Tell someone every day that their life matters and that they are important and loved. We must encourage each other and pray continuoursly that our people will come to know for them self the value of their worth.
This is a sad story. I feel like it was very selfish of her to subject her children to this. She allowed her obsession with a man to end her children’s lives. Not just hers, but her children. This is why I always say that kids (meaning teens) shouldn’t date b/c even adults at times can’t deal with what comes with a relationship. Sometimes that means being cheated on or dumped. How would a child who is dating handle this? Look at how some adults act. I know it seems like i’m going in another direction, but it’s just to say it starts young. Teach your kids to love themselves. Love your kids so they don’t have to look elsewhere for it like many young girls do. It’s evident that she was with this guy for a long time or possibly in an on again off again relationship with him. According to the story above her oldest was 11 years old which means she had her first child at 14 or 15. She started young seeking love in a man. Having another child (the 10 year old) soon after. I’m sorry, but if I was her mother, she would have gotten a spankin. The burden of having kids so young may have taken a toll on her years ago, but no one paid attention and got her help. Did she feel like she needed to kill her kids to get back at her boyfriend or something? I just don’t get it. He’s gonna go on with is life albeit probably blaming himself for the death of his kids, but his life will go on. Sure he cheated, as people do all the time, but he is not to blame for this tragedy. It wasn’t that she loved a man too much. You’re supposed to love the person you’re with whole heartedly; she was obsesses. There’s a difference. At least one of her children will be able to experience life. Hopefully his family will get him some help, b/c after what his mother just did, he is going to be dealing with some issues. Losing his mom and losing his siblings and possibly blaming his dad for her actions. May they rest in peace.
Not much from the black blog-a-sphere and FB on the black mother who killed herself, her three children, and attempted murder of her 10 year old. Typical…and before I continue – please don’t get hypersensitive. If this was another white woman, black people would have a lot to say. I base that on similar past events. The past is always a great predictor of what people will do in the present/future. I am also convinced that -you perhaps- thought the mother was white. I did. Without thinking about it…I pictured a mentally distraught white woman…after a white woman told me about it. My white friend thought the black mother was white too. But, then I opened up my email. AOL.com provided a picture of the mentally distraught black female for me and the world. I do try my best to reserve my contempt on matters like this. However, I must admit I am pissed off with the black mother. I am disgusted each and every time any adult decides to KILL their kids. It is excessively selfish and coldhearted. I wish these people would just kill themselves! Why the kids? By the way, I am not sure of the black female’s background – but this is a GREAT opportunity for the black community to address MENTAL HEALTH. We have dismissed it for far too long. If the past is a predictor of the present…black people will not have the mental health discussion. Just got off the phone with my boy and he mentioned mental health while we were discussing Lashanda Armstrong. That’s at least a start!!! I challenge us to have some level of discussion with family this weekend about mental and emotional health. Hell, just stop and ask someone: ‘How are you doing today. Really, how are you doing?’ You will be surprised how that may help someone recognize that living can be WORTHY!
-Muata Nowe
I almost made an assumption that this was another white female doing something tragic to herself and children, but thankfully I held my thoughts and was really taken back to see that it was a black female. The color of the person isn’t what matters. It’s the act that does. What could cause any mother to take her life and any child too? My wife and I both just sat and listened to the report given and just looked at each other trying to make some sense of what we had just heard. I had seen an earlier report and had some idea of what was going to be said, but still I wasn’t prepared for all of what was shared. The oldest son will probably need a lot of counseling to try and help him get through this tragic event. I can’t condemn the mother for her actions. I can only ask how could she do it? If there was trouble between her and the children’s father, try to figure out some way of getting some kind of help. It’s easier to sit back and make suggestions after the fact and by not being the one in the circle of what has happened. People today are doing so many deadly things to people and themselves. Allah help her son and the rest of her family. They will all need his help.
Its a shame a poll was attached to this story- but a lots of factors were contributing to it- but ultimately, she alone took action and set it in motion- and realized the error of her ways too late.
From what her family was saying about her she was sounding schizophrenic…the whole depression, someone following her, watching her. This poor young lady was also overwhelmed by her circumstances- which she created! 4 kids at 25! the youngestv less than a year old! She could have been experiencing post partum depression, which then led to schizo symptoms.
I’d be upset if i woke up and found myself w/ 4 kids w/ no supportive father(s), not that you don’t love your kids but your future life looks like one hard road of work- your self identity is gone!
Family shown upset or crying, but when things were seeming odd- they did not step up to the plate or were too busy living there own lives- never pondering where it could lead!
And unfortunately it was tragedy. I think of of those little faces- cute little Lance’s smile and it makes me mist up- god bless the young man who survived, hopes he gets proper counseling to be prosperous in life-hes un the verge of puberty, where a lot can go wrong.
This is an absolutely heartbreaking story. What has been most helpful for me in trying to grasp it, as a white woman reading this, is to read how Dr. Watkins and those posting here write about it. From the eloquent compassion and indignation on behalf of overburdened black young mothers from Joia, to the anger of Lorie, and Dr. Watkins describing this woman’s story, I feel fortunate to be able to read glimpses of how a number of black people are processing and coping with this, as individuals and community, and a glimpse into the experiences of black people in this society. To me, it feels like the legacy of slavery, how racist white people are, myself included, and the harm my forebears have done, is all over this and is in many ways a similar, and many ways a profoundly different context from when white women kill their children. Lack of equal opportunity in education, jobs, pay, access to birth control, abortion services, and childcare, housing, and of course healthcare and counseling, let alone a holiday from daily/hourly/minute-by-minute acts of racism. And the sexism, the differences in what women must endure in relationships and how we are raised to believe a man is worth more than our own self-worth. The way women cope with betrayal: so often turning that rage inward. When men kill their children, they usually kill the mother as well. But when women kill their children, they less often kill the father, directing their rage at the kids or themselves, instead of at him. It says a lot about differences in power.
Part of me also gets the indignation of women here, saying women need to get real about giving over all of ourselves into relationships with men (or even with women). And yet how much support do women individually, and within the entire herstory of patriarchies, receive, to not do so, and how much are we socialized every day of our lives in one way or another to be emotionally, if not financially, dependent, without steeling our hearts: being close and honest without becoming emotionally dependent?
What really comes through in the posts here is, repeatedly, a depth of compassion and a sense longing or rage at need for community to care for its members. It makes me think of a new acquaintance, who is black, a physician crumbling under her bulimia and childhood history of abuse, in an eating disorders group I recently joined, someone I just let down and hurt because I couldn’t be there for her, she struggling with more traumas than anyone should have to bear, in her own understandably human imperfect coping methods, than I could bear to hear or deal with, as my own eating disorder gobbles up my life, ability to sleep at night (I’ve been up all night from hunger, and sleeping on and off by day for 3 weeks now), and be awake to earn money by day, as I face imminent eviction while frantically needing to get more work and not let these eating behaviors interfere with my life and ability to support myself.
What personal hell is she going through after I told her I couldn’t talk to her anymore between support group meetings, because it was adding to my stess and inability to sleep, especially when she wasn’t even coming to group lately to get professional support there. Emotionally, she can’t work as a doctor anymore, plus she has a horrible back injury, and her abusive mother died this past year. And my aquaintance lives in this region with almost no black people. I don’t think I could take that if I were her. Yet I know if I call her and she were even willing to talk to me again, I literally couldn’t take it, I get so frustrated and overwhelmed. So what do I do? Do I just ignore that this extremely smart, highly educated, warm, gentle, caring, abused, disabled, unemployed, bulimic, politically radical, very sensitive and compassionate black woman who has no family and has been left by friend after friend without a word, and who feels isolated, is hurting? And what good would I be to her if I’m upset, irritated and angry with her, and can’t cope another minute as she describes over the phone how she considers her dog as almost a person (literally), and so important she can’t leave the dog, when it’s recovering and simply feeling under the weather from an illness but not in harm’s way, to go to our support group to get some qualified help for herself from the psychologist who leads it? How do I reach out to her (I’m thinking via email) but without hurting her feelings more? (And would I start thinking about a dog as a person in the way she does, if I were in her lonely, isolated shoes?)
LaShanda’s story makes me fear for the safety of my acquaintance, who seems so fragile, and on the verge of who knows, who kept telling me she couldn’t find enough emotional support, but I couldn’t bear to be that support, or be capable of it, especially when she wasn’t going to group out of devotion to her dog, and it seemed to me, a certain degree of over-identifying with the dog who could never support her adequately in her human needs for human companionship. Sorry for this rant here…this just is spilling over, LaShanda’s lack of support both on a personal level and societal level, and the parallels to my acquaintance and wondering how I can help rather than harm.
Really, I was struck by the depth of compassion of so many people who wrote here. Thank you for your words, insights, love and rage extended through your writing, and for being role models for compassion to me. LaShanda’s story is a personal wake-up call about how I contribute to creating a society and personal life in which black people do not have the support, peace, community, acceptance and understanding everyone needs and deserves, and what I need to do about that, while keeping my own head above water. For one, I think I will try to reach out to my acquaintance via email, with as much kindness and caring as I can. Thank you each for your wake-up, help, and positive or constructive examples.
Its just truly sad, wish her family had reacted quicker, when things seemed off, about her.
I love seeing close knit black families- because sometimes it seems like there is a
“Everyone for themselves” mentality in the black community. A passive-ness, that breed jealousy for others, who are making it happen for themselves, rather than encouragement and sense of want for something more for themselves.How can anyone commit themselves to having a child,(a lifelong committment) from someone who can’t commit to them?!
When I spoke of a exotic vacation, a younger co-worker reffered to it as something foriegn to her…like only white people do such things or are entitled to such dreams and thghts- I corrected her, and told her to stop limiting herself- all that and more is attainable.
(I’m not white)
Stop getting new hair-doo every other week and stop spending a whole paycheck on sneakers/handbags you cant afford(ignoring bills/ ruining credit) & you can go places, and drive to work instead of running for public transportation! Or even worse waiting to see if some guy will “get” it for you.
A good supportive man is great -but stop looking for short cuts! Or far off dreams like the lottery – do the work—reap the rewards!
I’m not a big fan of Beyonce- but like she sings- Independent women buy it for themselves & If you wish to keep it -put a ring on it!
P.S.- A year 1/2 ltr later – ran into her…was in school and she was a happy, modest- less flashy version of herself getting in her car!
This is a very sad commentary as to our low self esteem when we can sit back and point fingers at a person who has left this beautiful thing we call life and taken with her three angels who should of been able to decide whether they wanted to end their lives along with their mom. It saddens me when I read things like this, for her I am saddened but also for us as a society that looks the other way when people reach out for help in any way. I am sure that she reached out there was just no one there when she did! I am a community support worker a case-manager, a person that refers those with emotional issue to a mental health provider. I assist those that don’t have the strength to seek help to find it and it may take many forms taking medication,just someone to talk to or a psychiatrist to diagnose symptoms you have but all in all you are encouraged to get help. That is what this young lady needed but we as a people are so afraid of the term mental health and visions of the word ‘crazy’ dance in our imagination well how about this? I would rather have crazy plastered over my forehead instead of “DEAD Written” and a toe tag on my foot. It matters not where I get help it matters only that I receive it and especially when there was a glaring need for assistance. As we go back to our normal routine of life let this story loom somewhere close in our harts as a reminder that stories like this are not so rare when there are young women out here in the world that feel they are all alone and disconnected from family and friends. This means to an end is no way the logical way to end something or make the hurt go away but to her it seemed as though it was the only way at that time I pray for her and her babies that they find peace on the other side and that other women who read this reach out and talk to someone about their misery- Please reach and and talk it may save you from a story like hers!!
Dear Aqui Your friend needs you more than you think she does and in you assistance of her you may find your saving grace through watching her transform from you caring. Stop limiting yourself when it comes to caring the universe will open doors of majesty when you are open to receive it. I say this because I always hear stories of if I could of ,if I should of and this makes me physically sick because if you don’t that guilt will eat into your aoul moreso than the knowledge of not giving some help when you could of~ So stop being scared and walk in some faith and try your hand to be of some service to a suffering fellow human being!<3
If I could post this to as many blog sites as I could and if people would study this letter and take it to heart there may be less thought from females to take their lives or any body else life in the future! Who knows? All we can do is Pray!A Letter To All Sisters~Black Women Please Listen to ourselves!!!
by Brenda Jordan on Saturday, January 29, 2011 at 7:43pm
When I first heard of the movie “For Colored Girls” I got so excited. I had the idea of getting as many women together that I could think of to go see this movie. I had visions of group discussions and moments shared with one another that would lead to healing and growth; I guess I kind of imagined a Women’s Empowerment Conference type of setting.
Well after I shared my idea with a few women, reality set in and I realized that so many of us wouldn’t be willing to participate for various reasons: You don’t like me, you don’t care for somebody I might invite, you only hang out with certain people, you don’t understand the big deal about Tyler Perry making yet another movie about black people and our issues for all the world to see, you don’t like crowds, so n so is too ghetto, such and such is too uppity etc… It has ALWAYS amazed me that we as black women are each others biggest critics. We are the quickest to bring each other down, find each others faults and nit pick at a sister until she has nothing left, nothing left to give and then we step over her and call her worthless. We take the prettiest women and tear them down for thinking “they are cute” but turn around and dog the average sister because “she know she should take better care of herself than that – can’t believe she got a man!” We call strong women female dogs and accuse weaker women of riding somebody else’s coat tails. We tell a big sister to put down her burger and turn around and criticize a skinny woman for not picking one up. We ride the loud mouth woman for “talking to darn much” and likewise torment the quiet woman for “Being too quiet and needing to take up for herself”. The sad part is we don’t discriminate, we talk about everybody!!!
I’ve watched women dog out everybody from Oprah for catering to white people and Halle Berry for not being able to keep a man to young Willow Smith for acting to darn grown in her recent video. All of these females are successful and there is something about each one of them to be proud of but a lot of us can’t seem to see that. I have to wonder since we all share a common thread (whether we want to admit it or not) is there something about ourselves that we don’t like, what has happened to us that we cannot seem to get along. Why is that we fight amongst ourselves, backstab & steal each others men (only to find out we should have left him where we found him). We cannot seem to be unified to support and stick up for one another. Everybody seems to be out for themselves while other groups unite against us but nobody else has to bring us down because we trample on the spirits of each other daily.
Even if you live in a mini mansion, drive a luxury car, have good credit, rich handsome husband etc, this does not mean that you should look down your nose at the woman with 4 kids, no husband, living in income based housing struggling to keep her lights on. We ALWAYS think the grass is greener on the other side, I had a woman who’s child father is MIA tell me that I should never complain because I receive a decent amount of child support and I laughed and let her know that I would gladly give every dime back if he would come relieve some of this overwhelming pressure of feeling inadequate as a parent. If I could get just one full night of sleep or not always be on the verge of losing my job because I’m the one that has to call off or leave work for one reason or another to accommodate my child – yeah he could DEFINITELY have his money if I could have some peace! Money alone doesn’t make you happy (not true happiness), good credit doesn’t keep you satisfied, beauty doesn’t make you any less insecure, fame doesn’t make you less vulnerable or cause you to be a good judge of character and being stuck up and mean doesn’t keep you warm at night or prevent you from being lonely.
You don’t know how the sister sitting right next to could have carefully put on her make up this morning to hide the beating from last night. The teacher you handed your child over to this morning could have sent her children off to school from a dark house with empty bellies. The teller you just got rude with at the bank could know that today is her last day on her job and have no idea how she is going to survive past next weekend. The sister at the office that appears so busy could be typing her good-byes to all the people that she loves because she plans to kill herself tonight after she tucks her babies into bed. The woman you pass in the hallway could be on her way to have an abortion because she fears what others might think or how the woman that sent you this e-mail may drink an over abundance of alcohol every night to mask the nightmares of an abusive childhood.
Ladies we HAVE TO DO BETTER!!! I’m not suggesting that we all like each other and be phony, but I am asking that we all try to respect each other. You HAVE NO IDEA what the next woman is going through, you don’t know what past or current hurt and pains have shaped her into who she is today. We spend so much time trying to be as strong and hard as we are expected to be that we end up cracking from the inside out piece by piece. If we would spend 1/3 of the time we spend tearing each other down to build someone up, encourage someone, show someone some love, we could truly make a difference and save someone’s life. PLEASE don’t be the straw that breaks another woman‘s back. Believe me when I tell you that there is a woman out there that needs your smile, your hug, your support, your prayer.
I hope that you read this and get something out of it other than a laugh and that you pass this on to as many women as you can to let someone know that you believe they are somebody special and that if need be you are available to listen. Nothing bad is going to happen if you don’t forward this e-mail but I’d like to think that something positive will happen if you choose to pass it along. May favor be extended to each and every one of your lives, keep your head up and know that someone somewhere cares!!!
PS I didn’t write this but am passing it on because this needs to be addressed: Our character defects!!! and our lack of caring about our sister’s problems. In the end one female’s problems or limits can turn into anothers as well. We are more alike than different.
The extreme burden that is on single, especially black mothers can sometimes be overwhelmingly intolerable. To know that now that her kids were here, she’d rather be dead than let herself and her children live through such a messed up life is disheartening. But the reality of it all is left going unsaid. To be humiliated, discriminated against, abused by man/father of kids, hurt, enslaved to societal hatred, and all is too much for some damaged individuals to take. She had to be calling out for help and people usually feel like that is your problem. This is a sad sad state of mind that is reflective of these anarchical actions popularly manifested around the world. The guy break up and disrespect was the last straw but not the only factor. It was much deeper than that. But to THOSE GUYS [ladies and men] WHO DO THIS, stop having babies out of wedlock and leaving them on mostly girls or their moms or grandmothers to raise alone while you go around doing your cold cruel thing. Look what it could cause. Sniff, cry, nose blow….
I was hurt, angered, and disappointed beyond words to hear that an African-American woman would be so selfish, self-centered, and a coward to kill herself and three of her four beautiful Children. We are a community that prides ourselves in dealing with helplessness and hopelessness as we just strive to do our best to overcome all obstacles and adversities. It is almost always white people, who have everything and control the world, that give in to times of dispair. It is they, in fact who are genuine cowards that have often killed their wives, children, parents, in-laws, and the family pets if they just lose their jobs. It has almost always been white people who could not cope with failure on any level whatsoever. I have said many times before that as we, as an African people associate more and more with white people we have begun to take on more and more of their negative traits. We do not kill ourselves and our Children! This just should not, and must not, happen in our community!
Where were the members of LaShanda Armstrong’s Family while she was sinking to her point of hopelessness? Did she attempt to make contact with the Children’s Father so he would have an opportunity to assist her, or at the very least offer her an outlet to save the Children’s life. Did she have Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Friends, co-workers, a concerned supervisor, someone with whom she met as she traveled to and from work? Nobody was there for LaShanda Armstrong and her Children? This life’s story is certainly not just about LaShanda Armstrong; it is about 1000’s of young African-American women today who are right there in your Family and in your neighborship who need your help, but you have chosen to do just what LaShanda Armstrong’s Family and Friends did-ignore those very obvious cries for help. The only difference is that the people you have ignored and neglected in their cries for help haven’t killed themselves and their Children yet!
I can relate to this story, my 2nd cousin about 12 weeks ago, shot herself and her three children in the head. It was so sad, no one survived, what can you do but pray for the souls of all. We need morals back in this nation, it will help make us stronger, but most of all we need God in our lives!!! Wake up everybody!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
white peoples negative traits!!! I AM NOT WHITE, but i am real to what i see around me
What is that stupidity…yes its stupid of white people to have traditionally nuclear families than blacks?
where it has become common place for women to have kids by men who dont respect them enough to marry them! and then become scarce! Moving on to impregnate some other idiot. Because of a everyone for themselves attitude. not caring for the consequences of their action.
or the insane notion of them white folks have of educating their kids!
The mentality is totally different- white kids dont tend to wonder about wether they are going to college- to them they know its expected, a forgone conclusion-its expected of them irregardless of it being paid for or financed through school loans. While black kids flounder, many falling prey to passive hopelessness around them quitting school, drugs, pregnacies soon follows. Some may call this a sense of entitlement of white kids- but I wish spanish and black kids had this sense about them. I wish we would be shocked to see a pregnant teenage girl- rather than think of it as a sad norm- or those who celebrate as if its a good thing.
Why do parents close their eyes to their responsibilities!Go over their homework, stop putting values on junk- but what do we expect…when many are being raised in fatherless households by someone who had them as a teenager, so by the time their kids are old enough to look after themselves…the parent ignores them to rediscovered the youth that was robbed from them!
Can whites seem a little zany, or stiff or perhaps godless to some …perhaps, but influence is placed where it matters and some of us who consider themselves godly- seem to like to dress up on sundays- but forget the sermon as soon as they are out the door.
Black community -has the largest black on black crimes- than any other ethnic group, teenage pregnacies, drug use, Aids, fewer nuclear families, grandmothers raising grandchildren…less attention is paid to hard work, responsibility &education…but hair doos, jewelry, latest anything-handbags/phones/sneakers and sloth and over-eating…because no one thinks of the long term and lives on a day by day existence.
OPEN YR EYES———-SEE HOW OTHERS MIGHT SEE YOU——-OBSERVE HOW YR LIVING
Yes the mind is a terrible thing to waste. Myself being pro-life, she did’nt at least have abortions but concieved them with hope of one day they would “be somebody”. So busy was she that it would seem like she had little time to dwell on her babies daddy. What underline cause produced this decision may not be known to anyone, but the devastation of her 10 year -old surviving son will probably be his post traumatic stress. No doubt her stress had reached wits end and unfortunately no one to turn to in a time of need. There are many more young mothers in similar situations, lets hope and pray that those red flags that are waving elsewhere are seen in time to intervene in a quiet cry for help!
We have no idea how many women are going through this type of lonliness and depression. Being a single parent, my cousin and I kept each other strong while raising our children. In despair the thought DID come up to take our lives, along with our children. /we knew it was wrong!! and had only the grace of God and holding on until the next day to see our way out. We supported each other, wow, now that is something that has gone to a new Low. We need to wake the hell up. We are hurting as a people and I see it everyday. I look back on those days and thank God everyday for keeping my mind together and my cousin. However, we are all just human beings, trying to survive and thrive in a world the comtinues to devalue us as women. Rest in peace little ones. Rest Mother.
Wow. My heart and prayers go out to the young man who was able to swim to safety. This is a very sad event. But Dr. Watkins hit the nail on the head. Life is full of disappointments. But we have to realize that the sun always rises. When a new day arrives, it is time to start fresh. I am not sure what happened with the young lady who took her life, and her kids lives, self-esteem but this is a good time to really honor ourselves. We have to really pat ourselves on the back each and everyday, because nobody else will. When we let others control us, we are lost. We have lost our self-esteem. Sad to see a young family pass on in life. God Bless young man who make it. God Bless this young family in heaven.
In response to “She loved the wrong man too much.” One of the saddest elements of this story and the reaction to it is the acceptance of “boyfriends,” men who act like irresponsible brats. Our community fails itself when it doesn’t require men to behave as the protectors of our women, instead of as predators. We have lost the truth of manhood that comes with honoring our commitment to our women. Mr. Pierre produced 3 children with this Ms. Armstrong, yet the community reports she complained of having to do everything on her own. Where was he? Mr. Pierre’s responsibility was the well-being of Ms. Armstrong and all the children. How many domestic violence incidents had occurred before someone finally called the police? What support did Mr. Pierre need to actually step up and be an adult man for his family? How many times has Mr. Pierre been caught cheating on Ms. Armstrong? These people died as a result of our failure as a community, not just the failure of Ms. Armstrong. Being angry with her is just a way to avoid the failure of the “boyfriend” concept. Our community needs MEN and HUSBANDS with the wisdom and courage to be faithful through the stresses of relationships. Someone should have told Mr. Pierre that is was childish and cruel to cheat on his family. I’ve seen strong women destroyed by cruel men. And you can’t break a woman’s heart without hurting her children. Mr. Pierre needed to know that. A real man does what is best for his children – no matter what. We must raise our boys into becoming MEN, not boy-friends.
Lashanda Armstrong ( Taking Her On Life ,And The Life of Her Children) give Us A full view of the masses Suffering of the Black Women , and the deterioration of our relationship ,and the unstability
that exist in our community. You got to realize that Lashanda Armstrong not only took the life of her children but her on life which is not incline to the Nature Of Which God Create Life , and that she were so overwhelm with a sense of hopelessness that she would choose death over life. You Better Wake up
Black Community God IS Tring TO tell You Something. In her massage on facebook she said I am sorry everyone forgive me please for what I’m gonna do, This is it. (This Is It render a Sense of Hopelessness) Must we wait for more lifes. I can’t hold back the tears But no I must let this little light shine. We as Black Women No lonnger can afford to allow our community to be destory. we have to confront our circumstance from a true perspective. Weather it be outside intervention or interior destruction. WE MUST SAY NO MORE LASHANDA ARMSTRONG ,AND HER CHILDREN.
The good the bad and the ugly have been covered in this issue. I know that murder is murder and that is what she ended up. A Murderer, of her own children. How dare she make a decision for her children whether or not they live or not. She didn’t want to live, her sin, but why force the children. Suicide is selfish to begin with. It was all about her, what about the people, her loved ones she left behind. She did’t care about them. She was in pain, she could have sought hel. There are so many alternatives and suicide was the least desirable. The MAN who betrayed her is just one of the majority. Why give your life up for a man..Leave the sorry SOB…She had 4 or 3 children by him. Why did she continue to open her legs to the abuser. She knew what she was doing. Since she wanted to murder, she should of taken him out. He was the one who pushed her to the brink. Of course I don’t condon nor suggest murder, but when looking at the whole picture…get it right. Get rid of her misery, leave the snake. Now her sole surviving son has to live the rest of his life coming to terms with his mothers abandonment and the loss of his siblings. Talk about unfair. Once again all about her. When you have children that selfish attitude is supposed to take a back seat. That isn’t what I call love either. Someone else has to pick up where she left off..raising her 10 year old. I feel sorry for him, and the rest of his children, not her. My final analogy is she lacked GOD in her life…If she had him she would have known how to pray, pray, pray until she got it right and life would have looked a little better each day. God bless her son and whoever ends up with him, I pray that they are a spiritual, christian family and can literaly pick up where she left off, minus the selishness.
I do put most of the blame on LaShanda Armstrong, because she was an adult, & she did it. Nevertheless, as a woman who has been jilted after years of relationship, kids, helping with his problems/cravings & all, I know what Hell of abandonment a man can send a woman into, & I fully empathize with her seeking solace in suicide.
I just never (& never would, I hope), try to kill my kids.
But I have read, & it seems plausible, that the suicidal mother might be DEVASTATED to leave her kids bereaved, without her protection. After all, it’s ABANDONMENT that has destroyed her; she doesn’t want to inflict that on her kids.
IMHO, often men seek a new relationship so they can start their lives over. They want (need?) a clean slate. They desparately need to feel good about themselves and always feel diminished in the presence of a woman who knew them back when….even if she loves him. They rather forget the past & get on with somebody who only knows them as SUCCESSFUL. All this is understandable, EXCEPT: they are willing to throw the kids under the bus along with the ex .
And the kids are not adults who should be expected to understand that every relationship might not last, & for whatever reason they might need to fend for themselves. They CAN’T fend for themselves. So while I acknowledge that LaShanda Armstrong was wrong, I think that Mr. Pierre may also have failed his kids….and with less compassion for their pain.
Sorry i’m not understanding how what she felt has anything to do with killing your child/children. You never have an excuse for that. Even if he was the worst man ever don’t kill those children and then to top it all off she tries to grab the oldest boy as he tries to get away. I feel sorry for her in the sense that she had to feel desperate but if you wanted to Die then kill yourself not the children. Sorry this has me SMH and prayimg for the ones who did’nt have a choice.
Dear Brenda Turner,
Thank you for your warming, caring response both to me and on behalf of my new friend. I saw her the next day at the eating disorders support group. I was late so I didn’t have a chance to talk to her beforehand, but to my surprise and to her amazing credit, she gave me a huge smile when I came in. That was so big of her to do that. I gave her repeated big smiles back during the group. She split before I could get to her after the group, but then saw her as she was driving away. I waved her down. She pulled over, and I apologized big time. I said rather than saying I couldn’t talk with her outside the group for now, I should have talked to her about what was bothering me, and apologized for that. I told her I still wanted to be friends and missed her. I also said I’m really a mess with the ED right now and just haven’t been able to handle anything more. She said she’d like to still be friends, but that she thought it would be better if we talked in person, because she couldn’t hear me on the phone and the phone is limited communication. But she also said I’m caught up in ED (I’m in the very beginning of recovery, just 1 month into getting help for it at the group, I have no doctor, counselor or nutritionist yet, and it’s definitely getting worse before getting better; she has been getting individual and group therapy, and medical and nutritionist support for ~5 years now, and was in residential for several months a few years ago.) She said I needed to focus 100% on getting my recovery right now. She sounded like she wanted to hold off for awhile on getting together. The day we spoke was the first day I’d been awake during the day for 3 weeks. (For 3 weeks, I haven’t eaten all day, then been up all night til ~10 am or so the next morning, eating a little at a time, then sleeping on and off all day, but not eating during daytime. So I was jittery as she and I spoke. I’m finally sleeping and eating semi-normally this week: for 4 days now.) She said she had no hard feelings, which is very big of her. But she also doesn’t realize that she, too, is still caught very much in the jaws of ED, and that comes out in her actions/words, though, thank goodness, no longer in her eating behaviors and she doesn’t purge anymore. I’m so glad for her she seems to be long past that. She has enough to deal with without that. So my hope is that we will be able to talk, in time. She is right, though. Until I can eat sufficiently, and sleep at night, I’m no good for anyone else. But I’m glad she wants to try to be friends, in time: very glad. She is an amazing woman: to have gone through med school after all the abuse and total lack of support she went through as a child.
Thanks for your kind words, Brenda. I will try to be there for her as much as I can, and this time try to talk to her about things I’m feeling uncomfortable about, such as about her dog. I’m still going to try to get her to try Feldenkrais classes, too, which I do every week. They are just physical classes to help with restoring natural movement, but in doing so, provide an amazing degree of emotional support, or ability to cope with all life throws us. But we all still need friends and I will try to resume that with her when she is ready (she is the one sort of putting it on hold right now, until I’m more recovered.) Thanks again.
Elaine, my heart goes out to you for the suicide of your second cousin, and your loss of her three children. I cannot even imagine how you might feel right now. My heart also goes out to your family as well. I’m so sorry for your loss–it is more than anyone should ever have to bear or try to fathom. May you each somehow find the strength and support from within you, from each other, from your community, and from professional support (for which I hope you will avail yourselves and deserve) to go through the depth of heartache, anger, and devastation you all must feel, and will surely carry in your hearts the rest of your lives. May you find comfort in your family, your memories, and even in your grief. My thoughts and best wishes are with each of you. May your family and community hold you close.
Dear Aqui People have to realize we are more alike than not I will always reach out to someone when I a female a woman that emotes just like the next can hear the cry of another . It might not be a cry of alarm but just that you want to voice something that’s pertinent at the moment those are the moments that escape many of us. I write for the Examiner and if you check me out one can always get in touch with me there,if you just want to rant or talk it’s fine! I do it myself from time to tome but having someone on the other line is the beauty of the task don’t cha think?? Check me out here~ http://www.examiner.com/dc-in-washington-dc/brenda-turner
I only have (2) comments (not judgmental), i.e., the young lady was (without a doubt) mentally unstable. Secondly, Jesus once pointed out to His followers, when little children were trying to approach Him, “let them come, for to ‘harm’ one of these ‘litle-ones’, it would be far better for one to have a ‘millstone’ tied around his (her) neck and thrown in the deepest part of the sea”. I’m not judging Ms. Armstrong, but, ‘Scripture’ doesn’t ‘lie’. God be with her.
My mother’s first husband was killed in action during WW11 two weeks before the war ended. She was in love with him from the time they were small children. Heartbroken, confused, pregnant with her first child and feeling alone and overwhelmed, she prepared a glass of poison. Before she could drink, my older brother kicked for the first time in her womb. Mother told me about that day with a look of great sadness in her eyes. She said, ” I believe I could have killed myself, but when I realized that I was going to kill my child also, I could not go through with it.”
We all face terrible things in life but the idea of a parent, especially a mother, killing their own child, (or children), is beyond my understanding.
I pray that God will have more mercy on her, as His child, than she had on her own children.
I don’t think she had any psychological issues at all. She felt like she had no choice. She was physically and mentally abused by a hulking brute of a man. Unemployed with four kids and somewhat dependent upon this brute who is cheating with her friend. That is the definition of entrapment. And when people are trapped, they do desparate things. Astranged from her own family and ridiculed by his, she may have also felt like she couldn’t trust anyone with her children. ….so she took 3 of them with her. It’s not right, and I pray they are in a better place.