By Hugh V. Collins and Syreeta L. McNeal, CPA, JD
I know everyone is talking about the alleged domestic assault and battery that occurred between Chris Brown and Rihanna during the weekend of February 7 – 8, 2009. Recently, MTV, US Weekly and People magazine did specials or cover stories regarding the incident. Gossip organizations like Mediatakeout.com and TMZ.com all had their spin on what transpired. Many people are expressing outrage and taking sides. Some people have stated that Rihanna must have done something and deserved to get beat by Chris Brown while others believe that Chris Brown had no right whatsoever to lay a hand on Rihanna regardless of the argument between them. Well, domestic abuse is more common and more people in the U.S. and in the world have witnessed some form of domestic abuse in their lives or among their families. According to the U.S. Department of Justice’s Bureau of Justice Statistics report in 2005, one in 320 households were affected by intimate partner violence. Also, they report that female victims are more likely to be victimized by intimates than male victims.
Domestic violence, it’s a topic that rears it’s ugly head far too often in this society. Why? Is it because we have a natural desire to be animals? Is there nothing better for us to do than to “beat down” the people we allegedly love? Is it a process that we all share, but yet only a chosen few actually are selected to discuss openly and publicly? Let’s not beat around the bush. Conflict is a part of “Human Nature.” We do not agree to disagree when and where we are intimately related. We all go through sort of a dance that establishes trust and proves our love. That love is never proven by how much of a beating one can give or take, but sometimes it happens or not based on our ability to communicate. Chris and Rihanna failed to communicate and they acted out publicly in a terrible way. Chris committed a crime by hitting a woman and the pictures don’t lie. What is the penalty for this crime? Shall we stone him publicly? Shall we make him a pauper and beg the rest of his life? Shall we deny them any love and not provide them room to breathe, to grow, to learn, and to love again or if they ever did? No, our duty is not to judge either. Our duty is to make sure it never happens again. Our duty is to never prevent them from learning and growing from their shared pain. Our duty is to help them heal and to let them feel something healthy and normal. Chris Brown is not the worst man who ever lived. Rihanna is not the face for Domestic Abuse forever. God can select anyone of us to teach the importance of understanding in this life. Do you understand?
Cecil,
I agree wholeheartedly with your eloquent statements above. Hopefully the article sheds light on your statements and both of the writers are trying to give ways (e.g. options) that are available through counseling, civil legal system and criminal legal system.
But, historically, the US and the world has to deal with what has been acceptable in society. If you read the article, you will see that since the beginning of time people have worled to reform and minimize domestic violence.
No one is perfect here, but there is a root cause to everything. It is my opinion, that Chris learned this behavior from his father or step-father and the article sheds light on that.
Thank you for your civility in dealing with such an emotional topic. Unfortunately, you seem to have stopped short in your search for the truth and understanding. It is not okay for Chris to blame a learned bad behavior on his father or step-father. That’s the easy way out. Chris must accept responsibility for his flaws and his actions. If he apologizes everyday for the rest of his life he still may not recover from the damage he has done. If he gives Rihanna the world, he will never recover his soul. Let us both pray they learn to love and forgive, but never forget they were selected to teach us. Two kids with everything have been placed in a position of dishonor and shame for what reason? The only place they can go is up. The question is “Will we let them get up?” I’m not kicking Chris or Rihanna. I’m helping them both. Will you? Thank you for your civility and your education shines on you.
No, this is not Chris explaining it. This is a lawyer taking a step back and looking at the Giant Magazine interview and MTV special that Chris did 2 years ago (in 2006) where he recalled as a child he witnessed his mother getting beat by his stepfather and it would make him pee in his pants.
As an attorney and counselor at law, I view this as a way that Chris is crying out while CONSCIOUS during an interview of domestic violence being wrong. However, SUBCONSCIOUSLY, Chris and any other child seeing this behavior repeatedly by adults will MODEL THAT BEHAVIOR WHEN THEY BECOME AN ADULT.
That is a fact of life. The article explains that and gives examples.
I just hope you get a chance to read the ENTIRE ARTICLE not just the first two paragraphs that are excerpted to understand that this is not putting blame on Chris, Rihanna or anyone. It is explaining what happens in everyday life for many households in American, Jamaica and around the world.
In Arab countries, women get burned alive and husbands (or their family members) have no fear of criminal persecution for burning women alive if they shame their husbands or their families. There is an excellent book called Burned Alive that Amazon.com sells or is in the library. Take the time to read it.
As stars, sometimes bad publicity is the price of fame as well. Chris and Rihanna are not the only ones who dealt with domestic violence. Paris Hilton and one the back street boys had the same problem happen 5-6 years ago. It was a big deal then, but people moved on.
The same thing is happening here, but hopefully with these kids being so young. They will actively participate in counseling and be examples for people around the world to handle their issues.
Trust me, they are not the only person who has experienced domestic abuse. EVERYONE HAS SKELETONS IN THEIR CLOSET.
Isn’t it ironic how Paris Hilton’s name keeps poping up? I didn’t see any pictures of her battered and bruised face plastered all over the media. As for what’s in Chris Brown consious or subconsious mind, it’s only speculation. There is no excuse for abuse. I don’t need to be a Dr. to figure that fact out. As for “Skeletons”, I don’t have any. You saw me deal with the issues of “Domestic Abuse” on Sally years ago. I don’t hit my wife, but beware my tongue. It’s more harsh than any whip that has ripped the skin of the back of any slave. I can spit…hot fire. My mouth is an uzi and the clip is in. I don’t want to talk about Chris Brown if people aren’t willing to try and understand. It’s not a justification or an excuse. They were selected and we must learn. Really, I’m trying to be nice. I can read with the best of folks, but we must agree our comprehension is different for different reasons. You have far more education than I.
I thought about this Domestic Abuse thang overnight and it dawned on me, “I need to say it in a better way to help women and men understand respect.” Respect is “The moment a woman looks at “It” for the first time and she is forced to wonder or worry if she can truly handle it.” Let that marinate a minute. Now continue. Whipped is “The moment she realizes that’s “All” he’s got.” Who is in control now changes. We don’t explore this dynamic in understanding “Domestic Abuse.” This is also the moment the woman grows comfortable in her relationship and exerts total control. Is it the “Black Widow” who shortly after mating devours her mate? Metaphorically, it’s the same thing. The man commits and loses control. The screams we hear in intimacy cannot be interrupted for they could shame us all. Outsiders, family, and girlfriends would just be in the way. Someday, the mutual screams of passion end. Why? The woman wants more? The “Boy” inside this man could try to regain control. Somebody essentially is cheating whether it be physical or emotional or just insecurity. The screams turn slowly into silence. In the silence, the pain comes. The weaker person decides to hit. Don’t tell me women don’t hit because they do. It hurts just as much. Society teaches men to never hit. Some forget. Let me wrap up? The Boy, not in his right mind, uses the bad lessons he has learned by poor examples to hit. This is what now plagues us when dealing with Chris and Rih. We don’t look at the dynamics of respect. They both haven’t learned to respect each other. We’ve only seen one hit. It’s wrong, but guilt make the woman stay because she knows she was always in control after intimacy. I conclude, it’s the wise man who learns to enjoy the best ride of his life while it lasts. If he’s lucky… she will someday marry him or break his heart forever. This is as real as one with “Skeletons” can get.
I thought about this Domestic Abuse thang overnight and it dawned on me, “I need to say it in a better way to help women and men understand respect.” Respect is “The moment a woman looks at “It” for the first time and she is forced to wonder or worry if she can truly handle it.” Let that marinate a minute. Now continue. Whipped is “The moment she realizes that’s “All” he’s got.” Who is in control now changes. We don’t explore this dynamic in understanding “Domestic Abuse.” This is also the moment the woman grows comfortable in her relationship and exerts total control. Is it the “Black Widow” who shortly after mating devours her mate? Metaphorically, it’s the same thing. The man commits and loses control. The screams we hear in intimacy cannot be interrupted for they could shame us all. Outsiders, family, and girlfriends would just be in the way. Someday, the mutual screams of passion end. Why? The woman wants more? The “Boy” inside this man could try to regain control. Somebody essentially is cheating whether it be physical or emotional or it’s just insecurity. The screams turn slowly into silence. In the silence, that’s when the pain comes. The weaker person decides to act out trying to get out. Don’t tell me women don’t hit. We all know they do. It hurts just as much and it’s acceptable. That’s another issue. Society teaches men to never hit. Some forget. Let me wrap up? The Boy, now not in his right mind, uses the bad lessons he has learned by poor examples as an excuse to hit. This is what now plagues us when dealing with Chris and Rih. We don’t look at the full dynamics of respect. Intimacy changes things and we don’t talk about it. I offer this truth, “They both haven’t learned to respect each other.” We’ve only seen one hit. It’s wrong, but guilt makes the woman stay because she knows in her heart that she was always in control after the intimacy. Or she thought she was. What’s Chris’ song, “Run it?” When you try to play somebody, you usually end up playing the role of the fool? I conclude, it’s the wise man who learns to enjoy the best ride of his life while it lasts. If he’s lucky… she will someday marry the man or break his heart forever. This is as real as one with “Skeletons” can get. Do you understand or you just don’t “Get it?” This is also why girlfriends sometimes refuse to understand. I’m done.
Cecil,
I have to admit I agree with you on the desire for RESPECT. Some people use their words to gain respect and others use their fist to get it. The problem is, either way, has consequences. In all fairness, no one knows the true story. People are speculating and analyzing angles, but the key is both of them need help. Negatives can be turned into positive situations if people take it seriously and work on the issues. Kind of like being a born again christian. You get a second chance to do right (and even a 3rd or 4th one).
I actually did see pictures of Hilton’s abuse at the time and I remember the bruises on her very clearly. It happened in 2006, so people’s memories are not as prevailent as they are with Chris and Rihanna.
What Paris Hilton went through in 2006 was similar to what Rihanna is going through. But, Rihanna is probably more of a star than Paris Hilton is. So, I can understand the attachment of this couple and why people are so concerned. They are also very young and really not mature in love, so people are attached to it and seeking answers. People like Chris and Rihanna for their singing and dancing. So, the attachment is understandable. Also, people are responding based on their own experiences as well.